Help needed: I'm going to tell my kids D21, S17, S11 that W has OM in her life now and so it does not make sense for her to hang with us. I need to put up a firmer boundary. How do I say this without making it sound like I'm punishing her. I need to say that it's clear that W is not interested in restoring our family so we will need to stop acting like one.
Well, I am not the best in wording things, but I'm afraid your statements sound bitter and as if you are trying to get the kids to side against their mom.
Perhaps something like, "Since Mom has been seeing someone else, I currently feel a bit uncomfortable when she comes over to join in some of our activities. Untill things change, let's set Saturday breakfasts as our time to share with each other.......talk about our week, what's coming up, or whatever you want to talk about. How do you guys feel about it? Would that be okay to try for awhile?"
This way, you have told them the truth, without making their mother sound like a horrible person that doesn't want to be with her children. It is Biggy who doesn't want her there, so don't make sound otherwise.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
