Awkward Situation Got Much Worse (part 4 )

[Tate]

I get the alpha male thing...and Maximus, it looks like you are in a very similar scenario.

Here are the facts that influence my actions:
-wife has been in EA with BIL for 5+ years, no PA
-wife had PA with OM...looks dead now
-wife believes I verbally abused her in the past (see next)
-I was hard to live with due to psychological disorder (OCD)...95 percent better now
-wife tells me she expects me to leave at some point and does not care
-I do not want to split time with kids or lose house
-wife does not want to split time with kids or divorce for this reason
-my sister knows what is going on and has set some boundaries on my wifes interactions with my BIL
-no amount of separation between my W and BIL will keep them from talking to each other...sister will not force BIL to show her phone records.
-I do not want to pay for my W grad school that she started after declaring our marriage dissolved
-wife hides our problems from everyone and puts on a happy couple face

I do not want to move out...I am told this could have negative ramifications should we divorce. I DO want my wife to feel loss by not attending family functions. I DO wish there was a way to force my wife to leave our house.

I was told by DB coaches to NOT inform my family or involve them...including my sister. The only way to exclude my W from family events is to tell my family.