WW, wlc, Waw or What?

[Gordie]

Btrow,

How’s it going? GAL? Kids?

I used to hate it when stbx and OM2 would go to our places, but I can’t control her so but I know what you mean.

G

[Btrow]

Hi Gordie

Thanks for stopping by. Although you almost gave me a heart attack putting my thread to the top of the page

Well, I'm 1 year (+2 weeks) past BD so why not give a complete insight into the life of btrow. Life is good. It really is. In fact, if we somehow managed to ignore the fact that I was BD'ed just a year ago, the label would probably be "great".

Kids:
They all seem to be doing fine. No major issues. D10 and D9 never talks about "it" and I do not initiate talks with them regarding our sitch. D4 understands nada of what happened to her little family. She occasionally throws out a "Daddy, do you miss my mommy" or "my daddyyy thinks my mommmyyss sweeeeet". She thinks it was daddy who wanted the D. She was too young to understand anything when we told them last November and her young logic makes her think that since mommy has a "friend" and daddy does not, daddy doesn't like girls. (she asked me in the summer why I didn't like girls, 'cause if I did, mommy and daddy could be married again). Also, I must admit, having three "little" kids is hard....... I work 10 hours less when I have the girls, and 10 hours extra when I don't have them. Yes, I have a great job and my boss is the best. Can't go on like that though, as the kids free weeks are more or less all about work. I told the kids early in the year that I would do it that way until the summer, but haven't been able to adjust yet as I feel a bit sorry for them (their mum only work 30 hours weekly when they are with her, so.....).

GAL
When I was married I had no gal activities. Well, I had my weekly bridge night, that was it. Things have certainly changed in that regard. I still play bridge (in fact, I was even elected chairman of the club in the spring). I go to the shooting range twice a week and I also play volleyball once a week. I'm struggling with finding time to go to the gym (yeah bad excuse, I know) so I have upped my running activities insted. I actually ran my first half marathon last week. Incredible. 1,5 years ago when I could do max 3 km, I thought I would never make it past the 10 km mark due to my weight (down appx. 70 pounds since then) and my knees. I have a knee condition in both knees, but they seem to adapt. In addition to all that, I was also recently elected to be cashier (not sure its the correct english term) in an employee club we have at work. We are 230 employees, and we host 8-10 social after-work events for them, per year. I see my family more than back then (fx I go to the movies once a month with one of my brothers and I make sure to visit my mum at least once a week). When the girls are with me they are more or less my only GAL activity. I try to only have them looked after once a week, and that is normally when I play bridge. If I have another activity in my girls week, I normally cancel bridge night.

XW:
I have no idea what her life is like. OM is still in the picture, but in what sort of capacity, I have no idea. The girls rarely mention him, so I assume it isn't all that much when she has them. The bits and pieces I pick up from the girls, XW seems to be mirroring OM. His hobbies, his friends etc. I never ask them about her, as I have no interest in knowing what is going on "over there" (she lives 5 km from me). She doesn't "bother" me at all and I suppose it is because she is worried that I would/could make this co-parenting business difficult. Where I live, it doesn't matter which one of the parents is the course of a bad co-parenting situation, if it doesn't work, sole custudy would simply be given to the best fit parent. And that would be me. I have been the "primary" parent since the kids where little (she used to work evenings twice a week in addition to a saturday and sunday each fortnight). Also she is not able to be a "full time" parent due to her working hours, and tbh, sometimes I think her work is more important to her than her kids. So a fallout with me, would be a loosing situation for her. I have more or less stopped mind reading, as I learned in the first couple of months after BD, that I truly sucked at it LOL. We never talk. All communication is through texting, and she is way more wordy than I am. I do my best to cut her as much out of my life a possible and I do a good job of going dark. Yes it is possible, even with little kids. I probably don't even see her once a month on average. I'm sure she'd like to be friends with me, but I'm having none of it. You do not pi$$ all over me (and my girls) and expect me to bow and clap my heels together to please you. I do not work that way. Maybe thats a bit jerk-like, but I'm ok with that. Really. I hate to admit it, but a large part of me still miss her. Yeah I must be a sadomasochist.

ME:
As mentioned, life is good. I'm still single, but could easily be in a relationship if I wanted to, as 2-3 women so far have wanted to "be exclusive" with me (once again, not sure that is translated correct, you probably know what i mean). Not to sound smug or anything, but I'm attractive, funnny, charming and very likeable. A good catch. At some point early summer I decided that it probably would be a good idea to be single for at least 12 months (which seems to be suggested by many), so I actually stopped going out to bars, clubs etc. Maybe it's time to start again, I don't know.. One of the things that concerned me after BD, was off course the financial aspect of being single, but it has been a great year in that sense. My wages are up 8 % over the last year and interest rates were at rock bottom when I had the mortgage refinanced in the spring. Also I quit smoking cigarettes (started smoking heavily around BD time) and have started using an e-cigarette insted. That is sooo much cheaper. I probably save $150 per month. Crazy.. Most of my GAL activities btw, are "old" activities from my childhood (shooting) and youth (volleyball). I have no particular desire to do new stuff. Just trying to find the good old btrow somewhere in all this madness. I'm happy and confident in who I am and if anyone asked me what I would change if I had a time machine, I'd "probably" say nothing, maybe my weight. I am a good, decent person, and somewhere out there, I'm sure there is a woman who'd be happy to be with me. I am not going to let my XW define me.

Gordie, I follow some of the sitches over at MLC, and yours is one of them. Boy, what you are going through is heart breaking. At least mine D'ed me instantly, and that was hard, but for you to see your insane (MLC) W do what she is doing right under yours and your kids noses, must be almost impossible. I feel so sorry for you. Just know that you too will be in a much better place one day. I promise. Your most recent posts indicates that you are getting better, so just keep going on. Your kids (and Gordie himself) need you more than ever. I can sense from your postings that you are a great sympathetic guy. Although I don't post in the MLC section, I too, am on Team Gordie

[Btrow]

When I first posted here 9 months ago, I had massive doubts whether my XW was a WAW or a WW (I never found any hard evidence back then of OM before BD). I came to the conclusion though, that OM was on the scene appx 6 months prior to BD. A recent event has made me question myself again.

Last week the Kindergarden had the annual christmas party for the kids, parents, siblings and grand parents (basically santa comes and hands out treats for the kids, they dance around the three and sing a couple of carols). XW was there with our kids, XMIL and her cohabitating partner was there and XW had also invited my mum and her cohabitating partner to join, which they did. (I wasn't there, but mum asked me upfront if I was ok with them going, which I off course was).

When it finished XMIL and cp drove home and as my mum was about to start her car, XW came over, knocked on the window and invited mum home for a cup of coffee. My mum was caught off guard and accepted the invitation. They had coffee at XW's and she even invited them to stay for dinner... (which they declined).

Is that normal behavior for a WW?

One of my friends told me that it must have taken quite a lot of courage (guts) to invite the mum of the guy you betrayed and left for OM. The had a good relationship when we were married but haven't seen each other since october 2016. I find it odd ..

So could the vets please chime in? Normal WW behaviour??

[EastTN]

I’d say normal. Having that time with your family members is definitely cake.

[Tread]

It makes her not look so bad. XW basically put on a show. She got to see your mother who was her buddy prior to all of this. And possibly may have rekindled that relationship. Just make sure your mother isn't hang out with XW from this point on.

[Btrow]

Thanks guys. It's weird. We think we know them and then all of a sudden we don't. Sometimes the good memories of my sweat dear XW get the best of me. So thanks for putting my mind back in place.

When I called for for vet support I was imagining posters who has been here for ages and not rookies like myself. But off course, the real vets are the ones with the wayward'iest wives. Which both of you certainly qualify for - so thanks again.

Tread, don't worry, my mother will never become buddies with XW. She knows it will cost her both her son and grand children.

[Btrow]

Divorce, the gift that just keeps givtig. Need to vent..

Two weeks ago, I received a message from the dentist that D9 had to come in for the annual checkup (just to clarify how it works here - in the country I live in, kids have free access to the dentist plus more or less all communication with municipality (kids dentist etc) and government are handled electronically through a message system. We all have a unique mailbox for stuff like that) . The assigned date was in a daddy-week. Less than one hour later I received a new message "You have cancelled the appointment and have been re-scheduled for "a date three weeks later" . Obviously it was XW who had called them and re-scheduled for a date in her kids week. Without discussing with me. I didn't react or respond.

Each january it is time for the annual parent-teacher meeting for D9' class. We could choose between three different dates next week. It is done electronically through the school website. I decided to do nothing and just let XW choose (I didn't discuss with her, but just assumed she would pick one as she did last year - and she also just picked one of the assigned dates for D10's parent-teacher meeting). Today was the final day to pick a date and time, and since she hadn't picked one, and seeing there was only one available option left, I booked that one and instantly messaged her the time and date. She replied with "oh I already called the teacher last week and booked an appointment with the teachers two weeks from now (on a date that wasn't even one of the options) since I cannot attend next week. But just go on the date you picked ". Without informing me or asking whether the date and time she originally chose, was ok with me. I haven't responded.

If you look one or two posts up, you'll see how she transferred the kids savings to a new bank without consulting me first. So this seems to be an ongoing theme.

What to do... Should I continue my doormat-like behavior and just let her have her way, or is it time to do something about it? I mean, this is outright disrespectful isn't it? She is either provoking me on purpuse or simply dysfunctional...

I almost have the urge to contact the authorities and inform them that we obviously cannot co-parent, which would ultimately result in a 12-2 schedule either way (as opposed to the 7/7 schedule we have now). Neither of us are interested in that I'm sure, but I am fed up with her behavior and don't feel like being treated that way for the next 13,5 years. I could off course just text her and tell her that I'll do it next time, should she continue her behavior... None of the options keep the road home paved and smooth. But much more of this behaviour and there won't be a road home at all...

Any input on how to deal with this issue?

[Btrow]

giving, not givtig. Darn non-editable forum ;-)

[Btrow]

On a more funny note.

D4 (who thinks it was daddy who made mommy leave when we split - she was too young to understand back then) was playing in the living room last week while daddy was sitting on the couch. Suddenly she said "daddy, mommy would like to come home and live with you again" daddy replied "knock it off, you little rascal" to which D4 replied "I'm not making it up daddy".

Cost me quote a bit of mind-reading time that one LOL

[Btrow]

Just venting/journalling.

D9 has had some issues on and around the shift days recently. She has had belly aches at night, mostly when at her moms place. She clearly had some minor "going to sleep" problems some weeks ago also when with me, but they would go away with a hug or some comforting words. So nothing too much and easily resolved.

Anyway, XW booked an appointment with the family counselor so D9 had a non-parent adult to talk to, and I was invited as well. Just in case the counselor had a message from D9 to her parents. When I got there, it quickly became obvious that XW had booked an appointment in the wrong office, 25 km from the local office in our town ... She was on the phone with someone trying to set up a new appointment when I got there. I just turned around and left without saying a word. Now take a wild guess: Did I get an apology for taking time off from work and waste my time on that.... Off course not.

Anyway, today was the new appointment, I picked D9 up from school and we went. The counselor seemed surprised that I was there as well, so I have no idea what he and XW had discussed on the phone when arranging the appointment. (XW was the one that invited me).

D9 probably didn't talk with him for more than 10 minutes. Anyway we were called back in, and the counselor told us he was impressed with D9. She is clearly a good kid on all accounts, had no problems telling him what life is like, impressive in defining her own issues etc.  Basically life is good for her (considering the two homes situation), exept for the minor issue with the belly aches.

Oh BTW. The counselor said that D9 clearly was equally happy living in both homes and that it wasn't all that normal for girls that age, as they normally prefer moms place. So he told me that I should pat myself on the shoulder and take D9's words as a giant cadeau. Not that I was all that surprised, as I know that I'm a great parent. Still nice to hear it from a pro though (and also nice to have it mentioned in front of XW).

So basically nothing new came out of the meeting, that I didn't already know. But clearly XW wasn't happy. There was something that she wanted to discuss with the counselor but not in front of the kid. So they agreed to save it for a later occasion. Come on... What do they want... She has just been told by a counselor that her daughter is thriving and doing great on all accounts. Still apparently not enough. Did she hope that our kids would be starving and mentally suffer on my watch... I can't win here LOL

The mind reading never goes away though. I still wonder what her game is every freakin' time I have some sort of interaction with her.. grrrrrr. And oh yeah, she is still not comfortable around me or sligtly nervous or whatever.. No idea why she is like that though.