waw maybe

[bhappy2]

June 2017 about 3 weeks after BD, I was searching for advice and answers bc I was just completely shocked by BD. Like so many others I sought out advice from some people who are clueless to say the least, as I spoke with some people I soon realized that I need to start keeping things to myself and only speak with people who have been through something like this. I have a close relative who's wife did exactly what my W did he has been and still is extremely insightful.

So then I went to someone who is a close XGF, I have been friends with her for over 30 years and she went through a D about 5 years ago, BTW I advised her at the time to not leave her H and work it out. She told me then that she pleaded with him way before her A to change things in the M and he just wouldn't. One complaint she had was she wanted him to go to the gym with her and he refused, she said he was gaining weight and becoming bloated. He is also about 10 years older then her and she said that he was becoming very unattractive to her.

So I had some questions for her bc now it is me going through this and maybe she could give me some help. She advised that there is prob someone else involved so that was the first thing I looked for and could not find anything, even now, still cant (that doesnt mean there isn't). I have since stopped looking bc at this point I am looking out for myself.

She told me to hit the gym harder than I was and get myself in tip top shape... I was already a runner so I bumped up my mileage and I can run Half marathons rather easily (not bragging). She also was dumbfounded that my W would want to leave me with no warning at all and not suggest MC or ask to make changes. I was confiding in her and she was really helping me by saying just give her space and time. I do not know if she read DR but after talking with her it was like a natural way to deal with BD.

So XGF ended up D her H and marrying her OM, she left her children and he left his and they moved in together and eventually married. Her XH became so angry that there was no way they could have R he wouldn't even speak to her unless it was him yelling at her and she said the guilt was unbearable at times. Her children were just baffled and one of them refused to attend the wedding.

I still speak with her at least once a week and she gave me some great advice as to what my W was thinking, she stated that right now my W was in a complete state of confusion and yes she is not sure what to do... she also thinks my W is going through something more than just wanting out of the M and when I described what was going on my XGF said it looks like MLC. I agreed and the signs are pointing there. BTW just to update I am one of those guys that will never accept an A, I will file myself the next day if my wife had an A and she knows it. My XGF also knows this about me.

So as the weeks followed I noticed that my XGF was contacting me more than me contacting her and she started saying things to me that were a little off. She started saying things in a joking manner like this " hey if you get D and I get D then we could hook up" my response was that this was a inappropriate convo and I am sure your cuurent H wouldn't like to hear you say that. She stated that they weren't doing that great anyway and she wasn't sure what was going to happen. Now I am really questioning this whole thing and thinking to myself SEE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT, the grass is not greener on the other side!

I have backed off on contacting her and also asked if her H knew I was talking to her and if he didn't that I think he should know. I also asked if I could speak to him on how he dealt with D, but she didn't want me to speak with him.

I now have a free MC from the church who has dealt with 1000's of married couples, he truely believe's my M is fixible and he said that if my W had OM she would be gone. I am still skeptical about OM and like I said complete deal breaker for me.