Notsure what to do...

[rexgm]

The toughest part is knowing that you will have to have some sort of relationship with your spouse for the rest of your life for the benefit of the child. Right now how i think and act, I know this is not who I am normally, and you hope that your spouses actions are not normal, but how do you stop trying to make sense of a situation that just doesnt make sense. Even if your spouse has not been happy, to think that you were being fooled for such a time makes you wonder where your head was at. Its not an easy effort to keep up a charade for such a longtime makes you think if they would of tried this hard at the relationship then you wouldnt be here. I know one needs to get a life and move on, but how does one stop trying for the sake of the child. As for myself, could I be happy with my spouse if she decided to come back, ofcourse i could. I could be just as happy with a woman i meet tomorrow, because i make my own happiness. Maybe some people think then that this is not love, but love to me is a choice one makes. Once you understand no one is perfect, that everyone has faults, its easier to share your love. I think society as a whole pushes the fairy tale too much that people try to look for it and are disappointed when there relationship doesnt meet its standard. There is no knight in shining armor, no sleeping beauty, and the grass always looks greener on the other side. People always say well i told my spouse this would happen, if things didnt change, well isnt insanity doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different results. They finally do something different like a BD and they get the result they wanted but they are no longer interested in trying. Wow i finally did something different and they are now listening, but i am not now so it [censored] to be them. And as for people in affairs, do they ever think, wow maybe if i treated my spouse like my AP i wouldnt be having one. now granted not all relationships are salvageable, things like any type of abuse should not be tolerated. But many relationships are just someone giving a high five, when the other one is going for a fist bump.

sorry for the rambling, but its early and mind is just trying to make sense of a nonsense situation.