My wife understands that I masturbate, but would be really bothered by me fantasizing about other women, and I agree with her on this (though I sometimes do lust after other women). I agree with CeMar that it's hard to not be caught up in everything I see all around me. I have learned to work hard not to stare too long or too intensely, because it just makes life harder. My parents had a "3 second" rule for looking, and that seems about right for me.
But there's a problem. If my wife says no to sex for six years straight, it's hard to fantasize about her while masturbating - when I try to think of her and sex together, I feel this enormous sense of disapproval, which is a real turnoff. Thinking about other women feels wrong and dangerous, especially since it would be a lot easier to have sex with other women than to have sex with my wife. So I try to just focus on the physical feelings.
I'd love to involve my wife in a positive way (some of the things said on this thread are pretty hot ;-> ), but she strongly prefers that I not masturbate around her. She experiences that as pressure, and as proof that it's just a disgusting animal thing.
Can't say that masturbation makes me terribly happy. I feel the physical release, but it doesn't make me feel loved and touched and close. Frankly, I wish I could find a more fulfilling way to masturbate while I'm waiting for something good to happen on the married front, but I'm not terribly hopeful. Sometimes masturbation seems to help release pressure. Other times it seems to make the pressure worse and become addicting.
