Woohoo!! Not really sure why she reacted that way, but more power to you! Enjoy it!
To answer your ? - I'm not really sure why things changed. I think it has something to do with the fact that it was the beginning of our R, and I was HD. For the first 3 or 4 months of our R, we didn't HS (or ML) - we took care of each other orally, mainly. I used to give him BJs every night! I even swallowed a few times. Now, my H has to beg me to do it, and even when I do I never swallow.
I would like to think I've gotten better about this recently. When we HS, I have to 'go' first if I want to 'go' at all. So by the time it's his turn, it isn't that great for him. This always makes me feel bad, because 99% of the time we're HS because he wanted to (don't get me wrong - I do desire my H and I am totally into it once we get started). I feel like I've robbed him of his wish, ya know. So lately I've been offering to take my turn, then finish him off orally. That way he gets to enjoy it, too. I'll finish him in my mouth, but only if he's wearing a condom. He has never complained about doing it this way, though I have a feeling that someday down the road he may ask for more. I know that it's part of him, part of the man I love, and that it's a natural thing. But somehow, I just can't bring myself to do it again.
Maybe some of you have some suggestions? I've ordered the book mich suggested, 'How to Be a Great Lover'. I know it would totally freak him out (in a GOOD way) if I was to take him in my mouth, and I know I would reap GREAT benefits from him for at least a week. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.
><> Just a fuzzyfish tryin' to be a better blowfish.
FF, I guess I've got to make the best of the moment and perhaps opening up to each other a bit more might help our R in general. I really believe the fewer the secrets, the better the R. What should my next step be?
Your frank oral details have got me all horny! The only sex we've had in the last 2-3 years is when I've been allowed to give her oral. I love it giving it and because of the way she's been treating me, I developed erection problems due to anxiety to catch the available moment and so oral was all I could achieve anyway.
I've never been given a BJ in my life and I'm jealous! I think she'll never ever go that far. There's not even a danger of me coming in her mouth as I can't ejaculate as I mentioned before. I would think I'd be quite popular with most other women because of this.
I haven't slowed down on going solo while we are working on R and SSM issues. I have been abel to convince me LD Wife to help me a few times by toching me while I'm mb'ing and that is nicer than when I'm doing it privatly. She doesn't know how fequently I do mb.
I see I need to go get some more books, sounds like many good books suggested.
Now all day she has been very nice to me. Not in a sexual way at all but she brought me tea and snacks while I worked at my PC and generally spoke to me quite sweetly all day.
Excellent. What happened was that you "self-disclosed" which is huge act of intimacy and indicated a higher level of "differentiation" which raised the "tension" on her to raise to you new level of "differential" and now she's responding. Some spouses might not be able to handle that much tension and it would be not taken as well as it did in your sitch, plus it requires a spouse who hasn't been raised to think it's wrong.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
... and indicated a higher level of "differentiation" which raised the "tension" on her to raise to you new level of "differential" and now she's responding. Some spouses might not be able to handle that much tension...
duh - maybe I'm thick or its getting late, would you kindly explain that a bit further?
duh - maybe I'm thick or its getting late, would you kindly explain that a bit further?
Just read Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. There's an excessive amount of buzz here about it because some of us are getting results in some areas.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Fuzzyfish: Does he make you wear a female condom when givin you oral. I hate to say it but not swallowing is in a way a rejection of him. I love to give oral to my wife and I get drenched in her fluids, so what is the big deal with the fluids? Sexually, I don't know of ANY sex that compares to a full blown BJ that is FINISHED. Have him drink pineapple juice every day for days ahead of time, supposedly, it sweetens the good stuff. There is nothing like finishing a BJ while keeping direct eye contact!!
My wife understands that I masturbate, but would be really bothered by me fantasizing about other women, and I agree with her on this (though I sometimes do lust after other women). I agree with CeMar that it's hard to not be caught up in everything I see all around me. I have learned to work hard not to stare too long or too intensely, because it just makes life harder. My parents had a "3 second" rule for looking, and that seems about right for me.
But there's a problem. If my wife says no to sex for six years straight, it's hard to fantasize about her while masturbating - when I try to think of her and sex together, I feel this enormous sense of disapproval, which is a real turnoff. Thinking about other women feels wrong and dangerous, especially since it would be a lot easier to have sex with other women than to have sex with my wife. So I try to just focus on the physical feelings.
I'd love to involve my wife in a positive way (some of the things said on this thread are pretty hot ;-> ), but she strongly prefers that I not masturbate around her. She experiences that as pressure, and as proof that it's just a disgusting animal thing.
Can't say that masturbation makes me terribly happy. I feel the physical release, but it doesn't make me feel loved and touched and close. Frankly, I wish I could find a more fulfilling way to masturbate while I'm waiting for something good to happen on the married front, but I'm not terribly hopeful. Sometimes masturbation seems to help release pressure. Other times it seems to make the pressure worse and become addicting.
Sorry for the delay; H and I have had a rough few days. Wed H was sick so I spent the day taking care of him and nursing him back to health. Thurs was spent tearing our hair out over the closing that we were supposed to have Fri morning. Fri was spent cursing at our mortgage broker for delaying the closing. And today was spent looking for new houses since the seller freaked out and backed out of the contract. So we've had a pretty rough week.
CeMar -
I know that not swallowing could be seen as a sort of rejection of my H. It may sound like a cop-out, but I have a very strong gag reflex. The diff between a woman's 'juices' and a man's 'juices' is that the woman's flows and the man's shoots. It's just something that I can't really handle without a condom. No, I don't wear one; he, too, enjoys it that way.
There is one good thing from Fri - I rec'd my copy of 'How to Be a Great Lover'!! Bought some AstroG today, gonna have some fun tonight!!
