Help needed from Far-east.

[AnotherStander]

However, she is still texting and talking to OM.

Why is she doing this?
Why is she concerning about me?
Is she picking the side? or she wants to keep both for now?

Yes she wants to keep both. We call it "cake-eating". She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Have her home family life and also have her exciting fling with OM.

We all will go to Japan next week for a week. I don't want to ruin it. So, I will do what works for now. But after this trip...I don't know.

Understood. After the trip you should consider completely going dark on her. Tell her you know she's still in communication with OM and that is not acceptable to you and you do not want to have anything to do with her unless and until she ends it with OM. Then cut her out of your life as much as possible. It will be difficult, but it will be much better for you than living in limbo. And it may eventually save your M.

Please give me strength to stay in this game. Sometime I wonder what the he** am I doing here? I am doing thing that most people don't. I feel like I could give up anytime.

Hang in there and keep posting! You are doing fine!

[anative]

Japan trip went well. We had a great family time together. My W hardly contact OM while we were there.

After coming back from Japan, OM texted and blamed my W that this trip was unacceptable to him. He felt left out. He wants to be her #1. So, he stopped contact my W for couple days. I could tell that my W was very suffer. My W told me if OM couldn’t understand that she has to have time with family then maybe their relationship will not work. Later on, They texted again but not often like they used to.

two weeks ago. My W said to me she want to be by herself for now. She didn’t want to be with either. She wants to be alone to think and also wants me to think of what went wrong in our R. If we got a chance to be back together again she wants it to last forever. She wants me to leave the house on weekdays and come back with our daughter on weekend.

I did that on first week because I had sth. to do out of town. She was the one texting and calling me every day while I was away. However, I found out she was still contact OM as well(CCTV). I didn’t leave the house the week after because it didn’t seem like she was working on us. She talked to OM a lot again while I was away. Anyway, I was with her the whole past week taking care of her bone pain.

Then, this morning I came out from shower saw her crying on her phone. She said that OM broke up with her for real now and this time she won’t contact him back anymore. She is sicking tried of hiding his calls and fighting with him about her situations. Again, she told me to leave for weekdays. She will tell her parent that we need a break. What should I do? Her house…BTW.

[anative]

One more thing, many suggestions told that we should do "no contact", "ignore", "detach".

My wife told me we have marriage problem because I did those things. Why would doing them again would safe my marriage this time?

No offense.
Regards,

[joejoe1]

A native,

You do have a plan B. Its "You". Choose you, learn to love and respect yourself and you will stop letting others disrespect you including your W.

Stay strong and enjoy Japan. Or you going to Tokyo or some other city?

You need to take yourself away as an option. And let go. Let your wife know what it's like not to have you as an option. No more walks and shopping together. Can you work somewhere else?

[anative]

Thank you Joe,

We had 3 hrs drive to pick up my dsughter together this morning. My wife was crying first half way, then she started to talk. She said OM just broke up with her. She blamed on me. Now she doesn’t want me to come home with her. She will drive home with my daughter. She said OM is out of the picture for good. However, she wants to end with me too. It seems like everything happened because of me and I’m the one who need to be forgiven.

Now, I’m at my parent’s. She’s driving back home with my D. She will have S.O. bring my cloths and my stuffs on Monday. I’m expecting many calls from her parent tonight. I don’t want to think ahead. Just wait and Let’s see what’s next. May be this is finally time to GAL and detach. Any better way? Please suggest?

[LH19]

She said OM just broke up with her. She blamed on me. Now she doesn’t want me to come home with her.

Look man, she has zero respect for you right now. You want to start to get it back? Tell her you are not leaving the house. She wants out she leaves not you.

[Tread]

Do not allow her to put you out of the home. If she wants to leave, then allow her to go blaming you. But W needs to eventually realize there are consequences for her actions. One being put out the home. What does it look like her cheating, but kicking you out of the home? In what bizarro world does this happen?

[anative]

She will not be the one who leave because it is her house and her business. If I go back again, there will be no different. Stay at her house, work at her shop. She will have to see my face that she hate everyday, there will be argument again and again. She will never be able to think about remorse of what she did.

I think I need to show that I can be independent as a man. She also needs to feel life without me. We used to be 24/7 for 15yrs even she said she didn’t want to see me, I think she will miss me no less. I want to use this opportunity to develop some of my parent properties to put it for rent or sale. May be I will have sth to put on the table if we get back together.

If what she said that she won’t contact OM no more is TRUE, I think being apart is worth trying.

The thing I’m worry about is how to explain it to my daughter.

Please fix my thought if I’m wrong...

[LH19]

I guess I don't understand how it's her house if you are married?

What does Sth to put back on the table mean?

[anative]

begin to GAL b/c that will help you stay sane

and it will also help you detach (stay sane) and

it will help you bring more to the table as a partner (for someone, whether it's your wife or not.)

I think he gave up on me now but this is what he said.