mxdup - I am sorry you're feeling this way. I know this journey is hard. Heck, everyone here knows that. I am going to ask you some questions from your last post and probably some 2x4s. I am doing that because I feel like you are stuck emotionally and mentally, and I want to see how you can get yourself out of it.
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All of you guys are right that I have given up. I am simply tired of this whole DB/GAL charade.
I know DB is tiring and counterintuitive and takes a lot out of the LBS, but if it's feeling like a charade to you then I have to question if you are fully embracing what DB is about and what it offers.
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Over the past months I've met new people, tried new things, dressed differently, worked out, etc.
Okay! That's great. But, did you do this for YOU or did you do it so that W would notice what you were doing?
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The W could care less and none of this is making me happy
Your focus is on your W noticing and caring about it. Meaning you've attached expectations about GAL and DB that are focused on her not you. That is just not going to help you because you're doing it for her.
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In fact all of it is driving me insane trying to be someone I'm not.
Why are you trying to be someone you're not? The point is to find what your contributions were that led to the failure of the MR and improve on those. Again, not for her but YOU. Everything that you should be doing is to make that person in the mirror happier and better - which doesn't include anything to do with W or staying married etc.
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The truth is that I'm significantly more miserable today than I was 6 months ago.
Why? Is it because you were expecting things to turn around in 6 months? Were your expectations about yourself or W?
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I didn't just want the therapist to teach me how to get her back, I wanted him to teach me how to live without her. All he could seem to do was try to convince me that she was a POS, to divorce her and find a better replacement.
Did you explain to your therapist about what DB is and what you were trying to do? The best a therapist can do is give you tools to think about how to be a happier person and work on personal goals that are important to you. With my IC, I explained to her what my goals were and how I wanted to be more assertive, manage conflict, be confident etc and we worked on strategies to do that. But, then you have to go do it and through that process you learn how you can live by yourself and be actually happy. The therapist isn't going to give you some magic pill.
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I realize that she's not coming back. I also know that I will not replace her either.
You don't know that on both counts. That's your grief speaking. Even if you're right, you can still live a fulfilling happy life that doesn't require validation from another person that you are a valuable and lovable human being. That has to come from within.
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The answer for some may be hanging out in bars becoming a pickup artist, but that is not for me.
I don't think anyone here would advise you that you should go pick up and have flings right now. Maybe the odd perspective, but definitely in the minority.
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I'm just plain done, I have no fight left in me.
It's good to be done. Perfect place. Be done with trying to fix the MR and have expectations and do things for W. Be done with that. Now start with YOU. Do things for YOU. Find contentment for YOU.
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I just want to smile, laugh and enjoy life again.
So go do it! What makes you happy? What brings you joy? What makes you feel confident? What makes you feel like you're a valuable human being? Go do it and don't worry about divorce and all of that. W is gone and now it's just you. Let's find out who the happy, confident, secure, and amazing mxdup is. That's precisely what DB is about. Go be that person and only hold yourself to expectations about what you want that person to be. Personally, I want to one day look at me in the mirror and be happy to see that person. As soon as I see that consistently over time, I will then decide what my next chapter in life is going to look like.
