Just want to grow and become happy again

[swoop]

Swoop,

What do you think replying will accomplish? I think all you need to do is explain to your daughter how much you love her, and you wouldn't do anything to hurt her. I would leave that conversation where it stands. IMHO.

I feel that it would give her some clarity. ultimately, I did decide to text her. I simply let her know that I was not trying to keep D-11 away from her, nor was I ghosting S-8. I am just not emotionally ready for it yet, and perhaps we could arrange visitation somewhere down the road, when I am more healed. I wished her well, and ended it by saying "take care"

[quote=swoop]
At this point my anxiety soars, and I wait for them to arrive. My D and her S come through the door, while X stands out by the street. Her son play with the dog for a bit and then I shuffle him out the door to his waiting mom. I text her afterwards

OK well it sounds like she is trying to respect your boundary, in that she stays out by the street whenever she comes by. I know it's tough on you but you've got to try and think of the kids too, her S bonded with you and it's not fair to him to just cut him off despite what's going on with his mom and you. Same with your D, I'm sure she misses your XGF. If your feelings are too raw right now then tell XGF you need some time, a month or two months or whatever. Tell her that during that time you don't want her coming over and you want little to no contact so you can recover emotionally, and then after that you can maybe work out some kind of visitation.

This is great advice, and exactly what I chose to do. I sent her a text, very simple and to the point. Thus far, she hasn't replied or contacted me in any way, so she probably is trying to respect my boundaries, like you said.

Me: D is now crying. I don't appreciate it. You've hurt us enough

Why do you think you said that? I think you were trying to hurt XGF with that comment, is that the case? Just be careful, those type of comments will usually hurt you more than anyone else. And they are not at all consistent with DB'ing and Sandi's 37 rules.

I think you are absolutely right, AS. I didn't realize I was trying to hurt her, but that is what it was. I thought I was trying to let her be aware, that more than just her life is affected by this. It was a jab that I gave her, no doubt.





The last few days have been "good", but trying. My overall mood is improving, but I have been thinkig about X more and more. I keep playing the highlight reels in my head, and trying to make rhyme or reason of why this all happened. I know that everyone has a different perspective, but there were so many positives in our relationship, I cannot seem to see where the disconnect happened. It's all just so confusing to me.

Anyway, one day at a time! I have switched up my IC sessions to once, every two weeks. I am going to do my best to keep my head up, GAL and continue to move forward. Branching out into new pier groups is continuing to be difficult, but I am out there and trying! I might sign up for a puppy training class in January. Who knows, maybe that will be good for both of us, me and the dog