Yeah but my W has realized what OM has done and how much she hurt me in the process. It's just that referencing him during a fight or a tough discussion is... well.. easy. I was more on edge because we travelled to OK last weekend and some of W's friends had commented to her when she told them about how she was seeing someone else (before I found out) and they seemed to insinuate I wasn't good for her. Obviously they were trying to be there for her but I didn't realize how sitting at dinner with some of them would be... well... triggering? I even said that one male friend (a former BF of her) that I was going to punch him. W then started laughing and explained how that friend referred to OM as an [censored] and this was before I had found out. And W asked what made him say that and he said: it takes one to know one. That meant a lot to W because she always felt he abandoned her suddenly.
And yes I have always felt lucky about my sitch compared to what others were dealing with.
The IC has been magical. Once I saw that W was buying into the process and acted on it (sometimes better than I was) it gave me a lot of relief and focus on working on us rather than try to force a decision.
