You're making me cry...I can't imagine being the reason my H had those feelings. I feel so sorry for you, I wish I could shake your W and make her realize how much she's hurting you.
But...if she does know what you're doing, it doesn't help motivate her to change. I feel like I keep saying the same thing over and over, but I've been on her end of things. If she knows you're doing it, she probably feels like it's easier to let you do it than to try and change. She's probably thinking, 'Why should I put effort into changing when he isn't putting effort into changing?' From my experience, my first reaction to my H taking care of himself was hurt, but that quickly turned to anger and resentment. I know this isn't a helpful attitude, but it's a natural one, and one she probably doesn't know how to change. It took a lot for me to finally confront my H about it and tell him how it made me feel.
And yeah, VS will send you stuff for the rest of your life. My H doesn't seem to mind, either.
><> If he was using the VS that I'm in, I probably wouldn't mind so much.
