25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

So I have gotten 3 of the 6 STD tests results back and so far, all negative.

Since it's been a year since my last "encounter" with h (and no one since), I'm not worried about those showing up after the fact b/c it's already after the fact.

There are 2-3 test results awaiting.

here's the thing. We all know I'll go batchit nuts if there's a positive but I don't expect here to be.

But I don't find the "all clear" phone call from the doctor NEARLY sufficient enough to match the level of anxiety I've felt recently.


I think a card with straight A's or something very affirming to me personally (NOT h for not spreading it to me, b/c he probably took the chance).

But something I can laminate and then bedazzle.

Seems appropriate. Of course I'll carry it around for appropriate times.

Went out with M tonight. It was lovely. Not all jitters and sparks yet, but a stirring and he sure says lovely things.

It's hard for him to trust, I can tell. TO be open, like i am, is really new for him.

I hope our physical side will match the mental and easy way of hanging out. I do want passion but that's not been tested, so to speak.

Happy ThanksGiving everyone!

Yes I'll see M after T-day, (Friday) since it seemed like a bit much to have him meet MY family on Thanksgiving, Good grief. Too much too fast and they'd overwhelm him.

Plus I don't want to rush it at all. He said a lovely thing with the "L" word in it but in a mature way.

"I know I'm going to love you, but I'm not sure of all the ways." He got very affectionate and talked about how he has a lot of unused miles on his card,s and that I've never been to Paris and that "we ought to go".

I'm not holding my breath (a lot can happen between now and 2 months from now) but it's nice to have someone saying it at all.

And though there's always a risk, I just feel like this is a relationship. Not necessarily gonna be a marriage (wish I'd dated more men before meeting him at all)

and I may never remarry at all. But I feel FOR NOW, safe just seeing him and probably calling him "My date" -maybe a boyfriend.

Thing is, I've had boyfriends I did not marry. My sister J has not. So to HER, my dating M at all is like I''m diving into a pre marriage role.

I'm not. I'm just exploring a relationship with a nice guy who is easy to speak with and very smart.

We both have damage from our marital demises, our "Plane crashes" so it'll take time to know what we are like without that pain hanging over our heads, moving beyond it all,

but that's the point of dating & having fun now, right?