Thanks for the advice and giving me different points of view devvo, Andrew and job, much appreciated and gave me food for thought.
Devvo, I do understand what you are saying about co parenting, there have been times when I could have really done with Input from h, but I got through it, I have dealt with each situation as it arose on my own and the result is I have a strong relationship with both my children.
AndrewP - Devils advocate and I thank you for it. A past version of me would have emailed h back immediately saying "of course we can be friends, I miss you, I want to be in your life etc etc " but this version was more restrained, I sat with this for a couple days before replying, I thought about what you wrote and I looked at what I felt was right for me, I would not have joined this forum had I not hoped for the outcome to be reconciliation but I have learnt enough and been through enough to know that I don't want a repeat performance and caution and skepitiseum is shielding me from picking up the rope again. Yes he tapped on the door and I opened it, but that does not mean I will be allowing him over the threshold. My gut tells me he is a bit lonely right now and he is having to play dad and is out of practice so who is the person to call upon ? As soon as something/someone distracts him he will be off again and I won't hear from him for a while, it's the pattern he has followed, everything still about him, I am not going to play that game.
job - I don't intend meddling in the relationship between h and the boys, they need to figure things out on their own, he has done considerable damage to both of them and I won't be the peace maker, that is not how I see my role or how this co parenting being, I see it more as exchanging information if required and being on the same page if a s does something dumb and needs guidance.
So after several drafts and deletes, sleeping on my reply before I sent it I decided on this:
S20 birthday money information
The reason s20 has given for coming to me for Christmas.
And
"I feel that if we can support each other as parents that would be helpful, being on the same page when dealing with situations can only be a good thing. "
I wished him good luck with his new job and signed off,
I figure that the only way to know if I can handle this is by doing it, if I find I am struggling to continue moving forwards in my own world because he is in it then I can go back to how things are now. I am still very focused on my job, my adventure next year and saving so with a direction to go in I will hopefully ride this latest contact out until he disappears again.
Thanks for all the advice guys n gals, much love to you all xoxox
