Maika, your feedback is very accurate and it sounds like you really understand these issues. I'll keep re-reading your responses because they sound like things I need to keep reminding myself about. That is so sad about your house too. I'll post on your thread ASAP.
Sotto, thanks for your encouragement. My only hope would be that my husband would be completely sorry for how he acted and would be ready to attend long-term counseling. He'd have to demonstrate that he wants to fix whatever is wrong (addiction, bi-polar, or whatever it is). In such case staying with him might be better than divorce because I've tried to keep divorce as the very last option, reserved for if he keeps going the way he's been going and has no intention of working on the marriage.
Caz, yes the saddest thing is when the kids themselves figure out that they're not important in their parent's eyes. It's unacceptable for any parent to do that to their child. My daughter hasn't totally figured that out yet but she has a strong preference for me and is very guarded and standoff-ish when my husband comes to take her. I have yoga DVD's that I do at home since I don't get to go alone out much, but the last time I tried it a few weeks ago it seemed to aggravate my health problem. That was disappointing. I will try to pursue meditation more seriously. There are many things I'd love to do and try but most of them are not realistic at this time. Instead I'm trying to find hobbies that I can do together with my daughter that are educational for her - cooking with her, going on nature walks, art projects, etc... Hopefully in the future I can focus more on my own interests. I did start a business here in the new city but plan to shut it down after honoring my last standing commitment. I don't want to do that, but there's no reason to invest more in it if I'm moving away. I only conducted targeted outreach for it and didn't earn any profit but it was a helpful exercise and learning experience.
Kml, That's the thing. Maybe I'm at the point in the DB process where it's not worth it anymore. Maybe I should attempt the "last resort" technique for a month or two and then file for divorce. I don't want to get divorced and don't want to be the one to request it though. Then my husband will tell his family and friends that I left him when he was 'working' on the marriage by taking time out to think about what he wants. But I don't think I can completely move on while being married to someone like that. It seems like the divorce process would help to ensure that my daughter and I are treated fairly and aren't at the mercy of a husband who can take advantage of our informal arrangement. The state in which we live doesn't recognize legal separations and has very backwards laws on child custody. I see the dream of us fixing things fading away because the first time he left he returned after eight weeks but this time it's already been three months and all I see is his annoyance at having to take our daughter three times per week. He definitely doesn't miss us. He shows occasional concern, like last weekend when I didn't answer his three calls (don't know what they were for), but I think that concern is becoming less and less as the weeks pass by. Regarding the pizza place, I don't think he wanted to meet a girlfriend there. Our daughter speaks excellent English and she can tell me in detail what they did together. She didn't mention anyone at the pizza shop. She did say there was a very friendly and nice young lady working at a furniture store they visited but I don't think that was a girlfriend. From what I know, my husband was dumped by his last girlfriend two years ago and got burned pretty bad. I don't think he's been cheating since then, although I can't be sure.
I really appreciate everyone's input. Your opinions and feedback are better-informed and based on tested techniques which is more helpful at this time than friends saying to 'just' divorce or my counselor suggesting that I try to spend more time with my husband. Thanks again!
