says in his book that for many women (and I'm one of them) affection is the main event whereas for most men sex is the main event. That's not to say that women don't need or want sex, and that men don't want affection, it's just we're different.
....I recall reading an author somewhere who compared many men to lamps (on and off switch) and many women to irons (need time to warm up) when it comes to sex. That's a pretty accurate description of my marriage; but when my husband is regularly very affectionate, I feel as though I'm an iron that's turned on to "low heat" most of the time, and it takes much less time and effort to turn the heat up than starting from cold.
....men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love.
Hey Mich, Dr. Harley has some really good stuff along with the other books. But I'm a little bothered by the quotes above.
I know there's "some" truth in these generalizations about various sexes, but other than providing superficial "understanding", they seem to demotivate people from really examining themselves and trying to change...belittling human will.
Mich, you are an exception here as an LD who was very influenced by SSM. You were a perfect candidate for it. Some of us here are having a hell of a time because our LD partners have lost more than their desire, they've lost the motivation to "invest" energy back into the relationship.
Fuzzy and hubby should always look at various ways to strengthen things. I bet fuzzy and husband, with their age have an excellent opportunity to avert huge "course corrections" like we are going through. I would just recommend that when they get into concepts that generalize, they they be very careful to not use it as a hammer to "validate a position" or a reason not to change. Heck, my first instinct with SSM was to get my W to "just do it" but when she "just didn't" (btw...it was her idea to become more physical too), we unveiled some serious, yet subtle problems in our R that would prevent ideas in SSM, and Dr. Harley from ever working.
Just my 2 cents. Be cool. Mich, I congratulate you on how motivated you are being...you have a lucky husband.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
