Guess I am like a lot of men. Man out of the house but bow before the wife. Can't remember when I stopped standing up for myself with her. That actually bothers me quite a bit.
Did you grow up seeing men bow down to their W's? You may have a distorted view of your role in the husband-wife relationship and/or what is a healthy male-female interaction in a MR.
Women want to feel loved. The minute a man starts putting her on a pedestal, he's in trouble. A man needs to know the difference in how to show his W he loves her (read the book about love languages), and how to show her he is proud of her, and how to encourage her and boost her morale. However, he needs to know where to draw the line in doing those actions from treating her like royalty. Know what happens when you spoil her and treat her like she's royalty? She gets a sense of entitlement, and it will not go away easily.
A woman is not attracted to a man she can dominate. This is especially true in a MR. She needs her H to be stronger than she is, so she'll test him to see who is the stronger one. If she can verbally or emotionally beat him down, then she loses attraction and respect for him. If she can say or do little disrespectful things without any response from her H, she'll get worse & worse acting out in disrespectful ways. So, my advice is stop bowing down to your W!
We see this all the time on the board. The man wants to keep the peace, and he wants his W to be satisfied/happy. If she is bossy or a bit of a bully, he figures it will be easier for him if he just keeps his head down and does what she says. Some H's try to do all the work around the house, cook, etc. If they both hold down a full time job, the housework should be divided fairly.....plus helping with the kids nightly routines. If the W is a SAHM, then you should not be expected to come home from work and do all the chores at home, too. There are a lot of women today who have bullied their H into being a shell of the man he was before M. He is the only one who can change his situation.
We would like to help you, but you have to stop making excuses and decide you will change the dynamics in your home.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
