Solo

[eyesopened]

Fuzzy,
As the LD (lower sex drive) wife in our marriage, the books I would have loved to have had when we first married would be
1. His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley (he's a very successful marriage therapist and this book is a bestseller)

2. Love Busters by Willard Harley (this book teaches the things that can damage or destroy romantic love in a marriage such as disrespectful judgments, dishonesty, etc.)

3. How to Be a Great Lover: Girlfriend to Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques by Lou Paget (author is a woman)
and
4. How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure by Lou Paget (men asked her to write a book for them like the one she wrote for women).

Willard Harley has a website that includes a lot of the info in his books plus question and answer columns and articles (you don't have to buy his books from there, you can get them at almost any bookstore) -- http://www.marriagebuilders.com (there are clickable tabs at the top of the page, I'd start with " Basic Concepts " )

Harley, a psychologist, has a lot of success in saving marriages like Michele (traditional marriage counseling has a very high failure rate). He believes that you can strengthen and maintain romantic love, which encompasses more than sex, in marriages for the life of the marriage (he's been married for more than 40 years himself). He teaches that sex is most men's top emotional need in marriage whereas affection (hugs, kisses, "I love you's", holding hands, phone calls, etc.) is most women's top emotional need (he's identified 10 top emotional needs in marriage identified by his clients). Like Michele, he makes it very clear that sex is far more than "scratching an itch" for most husbands. His books are very easy to read and understand and he includes questions to help husbands and wives identify their own top emotional needs and information to help each spouse meet the emotional needs of the other.

He says in his book that for many women (and I'm one of them) affection is the main event whereas for most men sex is the main event. That's not to say that women don't need or want sex, and that men don't want affection, it's just we're different. Looking back on my marriage, I can see that when there was a lot of affection and I felt truly loved by my husband, that was like 24/7 foreplay, so sex was much more enjoyable (even what you'd classify as HS rather than ML) because the emotional connection with him was strong.

I recall reading an author somewhere who compared many men to lamps (on and off switch) and many women to irons (need time to warm up) when it comes to sex. That's a pretty accurate description of my marriage; but when my husband is regularly very affectionate, I feel as though I'm an iron that's turned on to "low heat" most of the time, and it takes much less time and effort to turn the heat up than starting from cold.

When I was in college, I heard the expression that men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love. That's simplistic and perhaps cynical, but I think there's some truth to it that might be better expressed, using the terms HD and LD (meaning higher sex drive spouse and lower sex drive spouse) as many LD wives need affection (to feel loved) to want sex and many HD husbands need sex to feel loved.

As for Paget's books, they're simply the best sex manuals or guides I've ever found since starting with The Joy of Sex in college. She's a sex educator (she conducts seminars, but there's no nudity or live models there), and her books are warm, friendly, tasteful, but very frank and explicit. You won't find hundreds of kama sutra like positions, but you will find lots of information and ideas that will make you more confident and will help you and your husband learn a lot about each other's and your own bodies. As tempting as it may be to go straight to the techniques in her books, I'd highly recommend reading all the chapters because there's very good information on setting the mood, kissing, arousal, etc.