I am happy to share my thoughts Nicole. This board and the wonderful folks have been there for me during some of the darkest times in the last few months and I honestly don't know how I would've made it without this community.
I think one of the powerful things about GAL is that it does give your mind a break from thinking about your partner and the situation. It allows you to reframe your thoughts towards yourself. So, you don't forget about them, but if your mind/body is busy, then the other person doesn't occupy as much mental space. I still think about my W, but because GAL forces you to really focus on yourself, over time you start to lovingly detach from your partner and even when you think about them, the pain and hurt starts going away.
I can see how your life has flipped from five years ago and any one in those shoes would be feeling the same way you do. But everything, aside from your MR, you have described about your past life can be regained again. And this time you can regain it with being a stronger, confident, and more independent person. Definitely do mourn and grieve over what has happened, but don't stay there. GAL will help you get out of the grief and less contact with your H will also help. That's why Sandi's rules are truly about helping yourself and protecting yourself.
I really feel for you about the house situation. W and I purchased our first home and it was just what we wanted for our family and how it would be amazing for our kids. I thought everything was great and we would just build from there. But, she blew everything up. Everything got smashed and shattered within weeks and we had to sell it. I know what you mean when you say that you felt tossed aside. I completely felt discarded and disposable and that I was just thrown to the curb. No effort was put into even trying to mend things.
Physical space does have an effect on mental well being and your space doesn't sound optimal right now. Hopefully you can take some solace in the fact that this is temporary and you will be out of it soon and then have the ability to truly build what you want for yourself. The MR is a big question mark and you'll have to leave it at that. Get yourself better and focus on your daughter and that's your priority right now, as you already know.
It really $ucks that your H doesn't want to be a father and his time with D is just meaningless and him going through the motions. That may change over time but you're the stable parent right now and your D needs that. You can't control the time H spends with D, but it is truly his loss that he's not nurturing his relationship with his daughter and taking responsibility.
Sorry about the chronic gastritis diagnosis. Well, at least you can rule out some GAL stuff based on that. There are some great meditation apps out there like Insight Timer if you want to do meditation at home. But if you can go out and be in a social environment to do it, that would be really good.
