Maika, thank you so much for your compassion and encouragement! It's really helpful. I'm taking my daughter to a free outdoor movie this evening so I guess that's something....
You explained everything well. I guess 'me' time right now mainly focuses on health but I am doing a lot of volunteering and church activities that I enjoy. It's not enough right now to say "this is so great, I forgot all about my husband!" Maybe over time I can change my mindset until I can actually move, get a new job, etc..
I would honestly like to go to dinner with a friend one night and just talk and relax but I can't actually eat much of anything right now without severe pain (the diagnosis I got is chronic erosive gastritis) so restaurants aren't an option and I don't drink alcohol. I'll still look for additional other types of activities though. There is a meditation class I want to start if I can get my husband to commit to his whole two hours and not bring out daughter back early. I still just feel bad for her though
One of the hardest things about all this is comparing my life five years ago to the one I have now. Five years ago I had a great, meaningful, vibrant career in a major US city with overseas travel, conferences, and a lot of social activities. My husband and I had lots of mutual friends, did everything together on the weekends, and we had so much hope for the life we were building.
Now at the present time I'm alone with a toddler, not working, sick, without husband, far from my closest friends, etc.. and it's very difficult to adapt. I guess a lot of people here have that experience. I need to mourn the loss of my 'old' life in some ways. This new life isn't what I wanted, except for my daughter, but I wish so much to give her a better life than this one.
One thing that's just bizarre is my husband did already leave once and come back. When we moved to this new city last year we started building a new house. It's a big, beautiful house with a lot of special features and a water view. In the meantime we were renting in a beautiful community. Now my husband is living in that house while it gets the final touches while my daughter and I are in a dark, small apartment with ants overlooking a parking lot. It's not that I care about the house, I just wish for my husband, but there's a sense of unfairness in how we were kind of tossed aside while he continues in this new house that was supposed to be for all of us.
That's beside the point I guess but one thing I sense I need to do is get more legal advice and a better sense of what would be fair to my daughter and I if we get divorced.
I'll read your thread to learn more about your situation. Thanks again for your understanding!
