WW in EA, NC w/OM(?), W's BFF interfering, part 7

[hoosjim]

Has she given any explanation for why she is not wearing her rings

I lost my ring approximately two years ago, in unknown circumstances and at an unknown location. Just look down one day and it was gone. Probably some kind of Advance warning sign, LOL. Our relationship was such at the time that we never really discussed it. I think at one point I hoped that I might be able to replace it without her finding out I lost it, but there was never any really urgency to do so, and like I said, we never really talked about it. I think at some point I might have actually said "oh wow, hey, my ring is missing , I think I know some of the places where it might be but I just haven't been able to look in all those places", but I am not certain, and I know that she never remark upon it. Her rings, she tells me, came off sometime in the spring of 2016, well before she started her relationship with the OM, and also before she started regularly hanging out with BFF and dolling herself up and going out and playing single girl. She said it just didn't feel right wearing them, like it was a lie or something.

Since DB, we really haven't discussed it much, directly other than that. She has told me that they have noticed at work, at least some of them, that she is not wearing it, but that she has made excuses, like that it was getting too big and falling off or that she was worried about losing it. For my part, I have asked her if her mother, who is very observant and notice is lots of little details, including my tattoo which I thought I had done a very good job of concealing, had noticed or commented on it, but she says that her mother has said nothing. I have also on one or two occasions said something to the effect that I view our old marriage as being over, and that my vision for us reconciling includes new vows and such. While on that were those occasions, I never mentioned it explicitly, I would assume that new Rings were implied.

Don't know if that answers your question or not. Certainly, our marriage counselor has not commented on it, although she knows that we are not wearing them. Is this something that you think I should be insisting that she put back on? I mean honestly, it just had not occurred to me.

Oh, and also, I mentioned it one other time obliquely. When she had been out with BFF and another friend, and become involved in a sexually frank conversation with a 30-something male bartender, who had subsequently slipped her his phone number, and about which she had told me, I remarked that I did not exactly feel comfortable with that sort of Exchange, since it was that sort of Indiscreet exchange with a single member of the opposite sex that had led to the relationship which was now causing us problems. She then asked if I would rather she'd not have told me, and I said, no, I was very glad she told me and was glad she felt she can be open with me about that kind of thing. However, under the circumstances, I did not feel that it was appropriate for her to put herself in that situation, although, if we had fully reconciled, and I were feeling safe in our relationship, and she was wearing her rings, it might not have bothered me as much. That was a little over three months ago, only about three or four weeks into this current phase. That was also the last time she saw a BFF before the very long layoff.





And let me clarify because sometimes I am careless when I am typing and even more often when I am dictating: I did not say "I view our marriage as being over"... although in a sense that is what I meant. More precisely, IIRC, what I said was "if we reconcile and commit to our marriage going forward, I think it is going to have to be a new relationship, not one based on the relationship we had before." I was very careful not to let her off the hook by saying I viewed the M as being "over."