After working through my emotions and the crazies in my head and reading over your thoughts I do agree and am on the same page as this board. I guess I just had a moment of weakness and let the IC get the thought of recon in my head. Now, I do have small hopes of recon, however, it is not my main focus at the moment.
My main focus is to break free of this NGS, become a more confident male, and express my feelings (my rights or wrongs) to those I interact with. This is my 180 journey.
I recently met up with BIL (who is against the EA/PA) who is my main male role model for breakfast on sunday. We had a nice conversation just catching up, and the convo went to WW towards the end. I told him I was being active in my life (gym, friends, reconnecting with some fam). I just explained to him my current feelings of feeling sorry for her, and I felt she is in this fantasy land of not having to deal with consequences. He agreed, and then went on to tell me her two sisters were also to the point of noticing her actions and both of them also realized she has never been held accountable or given consequences before (from her family either). <--- This was the major downfall of our falling out I believe (which also coincides to the NGS).
Ever since that conversation with him and the text I received from WW over the weekend, I do realize she is completely a dif person than I married. For some reason the fear which has been consuming me at about a 10 is now down to a 3 or a 4. When I saw fear, I am speaking to the fear I used to get when she would criticize, or complain, or talk down to me, or generally disrespect me. It might be hard to explain, but now when I look in the future at any interactions with her, I just see a lost women how is projecting negative emotions and I somewhat feel bad for her. I will continue to work to get that fear down to a 0 or 1...but I have to start somewhere.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
