I don't like how you have been treating me. Against common belief I am not a door mat. I don't do things because I am told too. We spend a lot of time talking about why you are unhappy. Which is okay I am more than happy to listen when you are being genuine, honest and open.
Thing is it feels like you expect me to accept one word vague answers. I am not a mind reader. I don't know how or what you are feeling unless you tell me. I do ask questions that you refuse to answer. That in asking questions I must be accusing you, calling you a liar or the answer isn't good enough. It is infuriating to ask a question in order to understand and suddenly be the bad guy.
Just because you are angry you don't get to tell me what trash I am or how it is my fault your life [censored]. Guess what you were there and had more than equal part in the decisions that got us here. Unless you are perfect and never say things you don't mean when angry. Show a hair of empathy when I apologize. Also food for thought, try it some time you would be amazed at how it helps.
On the I need to stay and take of the kids while you are deployed than leave when you get back. That some how it is my responsibility to provide financially for you is amazingly naivete, delusional, or selfish. This ongoing belief that because you want a divorce, you are some how entitled to treat me as you please and that I am supposed to take it. It is just flabbergasting to the point of inanity.
Sounds like a lot of anger in there. Let's step back for a second, is your goal to save your M? I'm assuming it is since you found your way here. Do you think the above gets you closer to your goal or farther away? Ask yourself that question about EVERYTHING you say or do. Are you familiar with Sandi's rules?
Those rules should guide EVERYTHING you do and say for the near future.
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She gets on her rants about how it is my fault. Anymore I just tell her your right and I understand why you would feel that. Then let it go. Not worth the hassle.
Don't tell her she's "right" because that just sounds like you're being sarcastic. Read up on validation. If she starts something like that then a good response would be "you sound angry, is that how you feel? What do you think is making you angry? I understand why you feel that way, is there anything I can do to help?" That sort of thing defuses the situation quickly and leaves her with the impression that you are actually listening to her.
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So she was yelling at me last night, I ended up just laughing.
Again, just listen and validate. If you laugh it will appear to her you are laughing at her which will just make her more angry. And again it'll just come off as sarcastic rather than validating.
