So I walk away and meet S14 in the parking lot. S14 gives me the I don't want to talk about it speech and the whole seems obvious since W cheated. So I tell S14 that we aren't going to avoid talking about it. Mentioned that he is older now and deserves to know what's going on, even though I won't give him details. I tell him that I still love his mother, even though I don't like her. But I am divorcing her, because she won't stop cheating. And when kicked to the curb, she just finds anybody to just cheat with. Which I will no longer tolerate. Told him that W wants to suddenly rush to a divorce, because there suddenly is a new man in the picture. Gave him a brief history lesson on his grandma and great grandmother who exhibit the same behavior. And now W has followed in their footsteps of dysfunction. Letting him know that the behavior is not normal and shouldn't ignored and tolerated.
I was your S's age when my parents got divorced, and I was stuck in the middle of a terrible custody battle over my sister. To this day I carry the scars of the ugly, nasty things my dad said about my mom both in court and in private. Here's the thing, your S already knew the M was on the rocks, and he already knew his mom cheated. All you did was show him an ugly, hateful side of YOU. A side he really didn't want to see. A side I didn't want to see in my dad, and that changed my view of him forever. You're trying to explain this away as some kind of educational thing for your son, but the bottom line is your W hurt you and you're trying to hurt her back using your S. But all you did was hurt him.
