Fuzzy, I'm so glad you reiterated your question at the end cause I was about to hit reply and ask you to expand on that (at first I typed "sexpand"...gosh what the HELL is the matter with me, lol!)
For me, there is a difference in HS and ML, for sure. They both feel the same physically to me, but the ML has a more satisfying emotional element to it. However, I would not classify one above the other--they are about equal for me. (btw, I am a HD female) Most of the time we HS, because of time constraints and the fact that with two little kids we are too tired for anything else. And quite frankly I do not crave ML, like a lot of women do. If I had to quantify it, I would guess about 1 time out of every 12 times we do it. So the vast majority of our sessions, we are having sex and that is fine with me.
There are, of course, those lovely times where only one of us wants to ML and the other one is lost in some lust-induced haze. Those nights are not the best, but what can ya do? Just hope that you are in sync the next time, is all I can see.
How important are the two to a marriage? Very! They are both useful in their own ways. Like I said, I don't think either one is "better" than the other or morally superior; I just think they are two ways to express the same thing--love, devotion, desire, lust, fidelity. I think that a marriage based on only ONE kind of intercourse is going to get damn boring after a while. So my vote is to incorporate both of them and have fun with it! Just because he is not going slow and gazing into my eyes does not mean that he does not love me at that moment--it means that my body drives him crazy at that moment. And vice versa..just because he's not pounding away does not mean that he isn't enjoying himself, it means that he is feeling more LOVE right now than anything else. The tides (for us) are always shifting and moving and going on to the next thing. We are never in a place where all we feel is love OR lust. We are human beings who experience the whole vast array of human emotions with each other. THAT is the essence of marriage to me. That I am free enough in this marriage to experience this with the person that I am bound to for the rest of my life--and those experiences do not have to be limited to a certain type of expression.
That is more than you asked for, but no one ever said I didn't like to hear myself talk.
hugs, Honey Regarding your other problems, what do you mean it was only sex? Are you saying that his technique was really really bad? (that's what it sounds like to me) If so, then that at least is a solvable problem! He learns to be a better lover, you want to participate more often, he doesn't MB as much. A win-win.
