LOL! I know all about the "getting fidgety and restless to the point where his thoughts can't focus on much else." Sometimes I can tell just by that when he's taken care of himself. Let me explain my first post a little further.
This hasn't even been a problem for us for a long time. Yes, I rejected him, but not every time. It only took a few times of him MB to make me have those feelings of hurt and inadequacy. And from then on, when I rejected him, it was mostly because a) it was much easier knowing he'd be taken care of than putting up with the fidgetting and restlessness, b) I didn't like feeling as if he was 'just using me for sex' (I'll explain more about this next), and c) I guess I felt like I was punishing him. I justified it in my mind as such: if he was MB instead of putting time and effort into enticing me, and he seemed to be fine with that, then let him have at it. Most of the time he didn't give me the chance to reject him. I can't blame him for that; it is a learned behavior that I taught him.
As for the feeling as if he was 'just using me for sex'...at that point in time, we were no longer ML - we were just having sex. There was no foreplay, no kissing, no rubbing, no nibbling - nothing. So really, sex held no interest for me. Sure, I enjoyed it once it was happening, most of the time. But rather than go through all the motions, it was easier for me if he just didn't bother me with it. Which is SO hypocritical, I know, because when I found out he HADN'T involved me, I got really upset. And that's the vicious cycle I was trying to convey. Most of the blame for that lies with me, and I understand that now. I just wasn't feeling satisified myself, but rather than talk to him about it, I shut him out and basically forced him into MB.
However, e_g, I understand your needs, and know that you can't just become a monk while you wait for her. In your sit, I would suggest that you do talk to her about it. My H and I have only been together 3yrs, M1, so when we went thru this we were still in the 'learning stages' of our R. And we still are! She has to understand that while you are willing to wait for her and help her regain her SD (I'm wondering if she ever really had one in comparison to you...?), you cannot just put your needs to the side and ignore your own body.
mrsg - I know exactly what you mean about MB not being emotionally fulfilling. My H has never been able to understand why I don't MB. If I just wanted a 'sexual release', he would more than jump at the chance to help me out!
mich - you hit the nail on the head, girl! It isn't a problem for us any longer, thank goodness. I did finally muster up the courage (or maybe I just got so fed up with it... ) to talk to him about it, and we agreed that we BOTH needed to make some changes.
Thanks for the book suggestion; I showed my H and asked if he'd be interested. LOL, he said, 'it has a 100% penis seal of approval.' LOL, I love that man!!
I must admit - I am very jealous of the horniness you experience! I'd give anything to experience it even just that much. While HS (having sex, because I strongly feel that HS and ML and two totally diff things) feels good, there is no comparison to HS when you are totally craving it! And then, of course, there's ML. *Sigh*
Yes, we are reading SSM together. That's actually how I came to be here. It helped me realize that my SD didn't just disappear - it's still there, and I'm one of those that doesn't experience arousal first.
Lastly (whew, what a long post!!), I'd like to ask a question. This may deserve its own thread, but I'll ask now...
What is everyone's opinion on ML vs HS? Do you feel there is a difference? How important do you feel either is to a M?
) to talk to him about it, and we agreed that we BOTH needed to make some changes. 
