25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

As for young women with older men - I've thought about that with my ex and his 19 years younger bride.
On the one hand - he's charming, as narcissists can be. And as a surfer, he was in great shape when she met him even though he was in his early fifties. And because he's a physician making over $300k, she gets a nice lifestyle, financial security and exotic vacations.

how did you deal with the glaring cliched nature of this^^^ injustice?? NOT saying there aren't others with it worse off out there, I know there are.

But what we earned and helped them earn, only to have a "new wife" cut in line.

Thats why it's such a trigger when I hear of someone (even a friend) talk about "meeting a nice rich doctor." Makes me really indignant.

never wanting to meet a nice student studying to get INTO medical school, or in med school OR doing their internship or residency or a fellowship - nope...

just wanting to meet them AFTER SOMEONE ELSE HAS DONE ALL OF THAT....THEN they'd like to meet him. How dedicated...how loyal...

Good grief people - we are all soon to be ex wives/ex husbands. Have a little consideration & respect for the ex spouse you are replacing , (down the road I mean, of course).

There's a great chance that the new person you are choosing to love, DID play a part in the demise of their marriage and their former spouse deserves -- something decent in how we treat them. I won't disparage a former spouse of a new partner and I sure as heck would not post on FB in any way that would harm her or their children. But then, I' a decent person with class.



On the other - he's no longer invincible, had to stop surfing, had shoulder surgery, is losing his hair and going gray.

^^^ my H was on crutches at some grand opening (of where he "retired from") - guess he was running and something actually broke. I don't wish him ill but I could swear he thought Alaska would keep him from aging...(cryogenics??)

God...smh


And I still fear that CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy) is in his future. I hope she'll care for him in his old age, but know that at my age, 61, I wouldn't want to be caring for an 80 year old husband.

I bet!

I 'd have wiped his rear end from a stroke (he has A-fib) without a complaint or thought b/c that's what you do when you make vows.

But I find more of my thoughts NOT about what I "would do IF" or about his life, and more about what I want in MINE

and except for d20 (whom I deeply worry about) and the idiotic trial in 90 days, I'm mostly awake to more possibilities than I have been in -- many years.

I think when the dust settles, I'll be better off than otherwise.

As for h? Doubtful b/c he has lost a great catch, a woman who really brought out the best in him, who smoothed his rough patches (narc asperger's) edge, made him laugh really hard, challenged him intellectually - though later perhaps too much for his ego-- and was loyal to him beyond reserve. His Schmoopie, I'm told is "the extreme opposite, not a match made in heaven, she's not that smart and for sure not funny"

- guess she makes some money her job, but I can't even comment on the comments there. And I've still never looked at her!!

And our children...what could he have been thinking? Ah, I will NEVER know...

And NONE of this^^ is on my side of the sandbox either. All I can do is my side of it, help my kids, be open to good men out there, and be happy and adventurous with ME.

H is a fool and this, I know. But it does not matter (much) if he knows.

My former BIL left my sister years ago and married OW#2. They are very different. OW#2 earns a good salary whereas my sister is an RN. Not shabby but not rich.

Anyhow, former BIL apologized to my sister just as she prepped to remarry, and mostly he talked abut what HE lost, etc. "Big mistake" "really effed up", etc.

Thing is, though he has money, here is what I KNOW. Every night for the past 15 years of his new m,

MY sisters & I all each greeted our h's at the door, with hugs if not more, and we asked how their day was - we made a big deal that they had come home.. called the kids to come up and say hi to their dad, etc.

My former BIL knows that every night he returns to his new w, there's a warm hug he's NOT getting.
and more...

My h knows (or will if he lets himself remember) that I did the same. And a million other things. It's not as if h wasn't getting it at home.

H may never recall the withering criticism he gave me and the kids the last fews years, the crazy controlling stuff about food, but we sure do, and we don't miss that.

I hope for all our sakes we can learn to recall the good times.

Just wondering KML




As for the 39 year old? My experience with younger men was nice, but it's really only for today, no future in it. So that does leave us with a narrow path. Someone close to our age , not too much older or younger. But that has to include physiological age - some men my age are already too old for me.

Then add in other baggage - I wouldn't date a guy with grade school age kids, maybe teenagers. But my kids are grown and I still have enough parenting to do with them.

The guys I've dated either didn't have kids or they were grown.

All of this being said - the most important things, how you relate and values and interests - are more important than anything. And even the perfect match on paper could die of a heart attack tomorrow.