How a treehouse can cost you your marriage 2

[Clyde]

kml,

It can be tough to figure out how much to back off in a situation like yours but I say the proof is in the pudding - as you've focused more on yourself and stopped pursuing, she seems to be reaching your way more.

I would definitely agree, while I have slipped and shown signs of pursuit (ok, maybe a little more than "signs"), my actions have drastically 180'd over the past 2 months, (I can thank the advice I received here along w/ the knowledge I gained from reading others threads/sitch's here).

Its recognizing what that space has provided that encourages me to continue to take it slow, be patient, give her space, and let her decide she wants to be part of this R rather than try to convince her.

By recommending this book, she is possibly recognizing that you were speaking to her in languages she didn't understand (for instance, working long hours to support your family as an Act of Service, when she as a Quality Time person was just feeling the lack of that time together?)

I'm almost through the book, it has so much good info/insight.

I was at her apartment this a.m., I asked her what the difference between the "mens edition" and the original 5 LL's was. She said "I don't know, I'll go grab the original, it's on my nightstand." (I feel that is a good sign she is also reading it). We discussed one another's LL's.

She said she thinks my LL is receiving gifts, but that she does not feel as though she can meet the mark and referred to my guitar collection (95% was acquired in my bachelor years) and that she could never afford a gift of that caliber. I reminded her of a wooden box I have, in it are all the love notes she has ever written me, one of which was just a simple "I love you" written in green marker that she left on my pillow back when we were dating... I laminated it and carried it in my wallet for close to 10 years till it was pretty much deteriorating, I told her those are the gifts that matter to me.

I asked if hers was quality time, she said not as much as acts of service. I've started to brain storm some ways to do this as it is not as easy to do since we are living in separate households. Trying not to pursue makes this one even more difficult at the moment...