My Journey with WAS (Part 6)

[Maika]

So, I am calling my W in a couple of hours for the 'chat'. Just wanted to post a few things and hopefully get some feedback before I call her. I know the board is not as active on the weekends, but I'll post anyway.

I am just reading about the squirrel analogy and it is driving my thinking right now.

What I am going to tell her:

1. How I felt during BD and after, without being blaming or accusatory
2. Me feeling better and 'happier' now is because I took an active step towards my own healing process and started that journey
3. There is no 'us' right now. Right now we are just parents of two children and I have zero issues working with her for their wellbeing, but that is 'her' and 'me' as separate people, not 'us'.
4. I am open to talking about 'us' but for me that has to be in the context of working on the MR.

I am only conflicted about #4 right now. Last we spoke a few days ago, she had said that she doesn't want to do MC because she isn't in a place where she can commit to working on the MR. I am worried that if I say #4, then I am maybe closing the door for some conversations that could happen over time.

The only reason I have #4 is because I don't want to put my heart out and be vulnerable with her without a purpose.

So, I don't know what to do about #4. I certainly don't want to put myself out, but don't want to close the door either. She may not warm up to MC for a while, but maybe she may warm up to working on 'us' - spending quality time together, maybe go on some dates etc. I wonder if I lay it down so concretely, it might shut the door for some gentle moves.

I am going to say my bit and then ask her what she wants to share, and then validate her and just actively listen.

I also fear that if I say that I don't want to have the 'us' conversations without the purpose being working on the MR, that I might be adding pressure.

Anyways, I am keeping what Matrix said - she has to pursue me and want to get me back, not the other way around. I just don't want to shut the door on her.

Maybe I am over thinking this.



Forgot to add - feedback would be appreciated. Thanks