Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 6

[Holding]

Thanks J9, Acc, and Sandi. I'll get to your posts in my next post. Something I've got to get to first...

STBXW and I had an interesting convo last night.

We had a discussion in her room about several things. It started out about finances (which I ended because it wasn't really getting us anywhere). We talked about splitting time with the boys for Thanksgiving week. We talked about how our convos haven't been productive lately. She told me I'm arrogant, and she hoped I'd be able to work on that. She admitted that she needs to work on not making negative statements.

She talked about how we need to get mediation scheduled soon, because she is miserable living in the house with me. And this led her to talk about how she thinks I hate her.

I told her I didn't hate her any more. She asked what made me stop. I said it wasn't really anything, it was just a stage I had to go through. She told me she never intended to hate me, and she started to cry when she said this. She realized she'd been a horrible wife. I asked her if she hated me and she said no. (Which made no sense considering what she'd just said). She told me she hoped that I'd be able to forgive her one day, since I've been going to Divorce Care and seeing an IC. She said she's forgiven me for some things but not everything (no specifics). I said I'm sure I'll get there one day.

The conversation was over and I walked out of the room. We walked into the living room where the kids were. She asked me if she could have a hug. I was surprised and said, "Well, I guess, if you want one." We hugged for a moment. Without realizing it, I found myself rubbing her back gently. She whispered in my ear "I'm sorry. Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?" I said, "I'm going to need time." She said, "Yeah, me too." Then the hug was over.

Impression #1: This felt like a weird kind of closure. I was almost in a happy mood after that for some reason.

Impression #2: I suspect she's up to something. Maybe she's seen the financial info my L sent over to her L, and she realizes how the 50/50 split will be a lot different from what she expected.