hairdog, Point taken but I have a special advantage which I used to think was a disadvantage: I can't do the 'money shot' so there's no evidence afterwards. I'm totally dry and so can get away with it just like the girls!
oh my god honeypot!!! Here, you want some real advice? Leave him now! Leave him now! Pack up the kids and move out east...better yet I'll move out there...heck, I can work from anywhere with an internet connection. I make a ton of dough too.
My latest revelation....I need to find honeypot. Screw this self help stuff....I'm hittin' the road with my bike and my laptop. That's all I need...well, and my lamp...that's all I need...my laptop, my bike, my lamp...and my dog. THATS all I need...oh, and my brother p-touch that's all I need because I'm leaving...oh, and my Aeron chair....that's all I need....My bike, my laptop, my lamp, my p-touch, my dog and my aeron chair. Who needs them anyway. Who do they think I am...some kind of jerk or something?
- Dave.....who is "jerk"ing off to the thought of a day that my wife would like a real money shot instead of the one that happens in the bank account ever other week.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Dave, I have no idea what half the things on your list even were (wtf is an aeron chair??) but your message cracked me up nonetheless.
Honey, who is married to a guy who would never give her a money shot no way, no how. Strictly in the proper chute if you get my meanin...oh well I dream about it and talk dirty to him about it, every chance I get!
I am an LD girl M to my HDH. Any time I discover that he has 'taken care of himself', I am absolutely crushed. Especially on those occassions where he has made no effort to involve me. I suppose part of that is my fault; it is a learned action that I have taught him. After being rejected so many times...that's what happens. And here comes the vicious circle...I reject him, he 'takes care of himself', I find out, I feel ugly and 'not good enough', I want less to do with him sexually, and so on and so forth. Going solo really does give the impression that it IS just about scratching that itch, it IS totally physical. It does make me feel as if I'm just there to make it more enjoyable for him; like I'm a piece of meat. So...IMHO, don't let her know - it will only make things worse. It's kind of like saying, 'I want it but I'm not willing to put the effort into helping you want it, too, so how do you like that.' Or maybe I'm just bitter and you shouldn't pay any attention to me.
><> If I was a piece of meat...I would be a juicy steak.
Fuzzy, I have to tell you that this kind of thinking baffles me!
You say that his masturbation triggers feelings in you of feeling not good enough. And yet--he came to you first! You yourself said that he comes to you, YOU REJECT HIM, and then he goes to his hand. So where do the feelings of you not being good enough come in? I am not attacking your feelings, I am just honestly confused about them. I don't see where him taking this route is any reflection on you whatsoever. Believe me, he'd rather have you any day.
Are you saying that you feel bad about yourself because you feel that you can't keep up with him and that you are not "enough" to satisfy him?
And what about turning that around and trying to frame it in a more positive light? Something along the lines of: I turn him on so much that there's NO WAY I could keep up with him; so he does this (mb) out of love for me and in order to give me my space and peace.
Cause, really, the alternative is that he bothers YOU every time he wants sex and I'm sure you don't want that. You are most certainly not a piece of meat to him but you must understand that his body operates differently than yours. I'm willing to bet that you can go days without sex without feeling like you are going to explode, well, he can't. He starts getting fidgety and restless and to the point where his thoughts can't focus on much else. This is not him being an ass, it is his BODY! It is the way it works. Much like some people have fast metabolisms and some slow.
My H never masturbates and never has the desire to do so. I used to think that was a sign of him being less sexual than me and therefore, inferior. (cringe) But I have reframed that thinking into: I take such good care of him that he has no NEED to mbate. Now the truth is that he wouldn't do it regardless, but that is what I say to myself and it is the truth also! In other words, there are more than one version of the truth. Tell yourself the most positive version and perhaps it will help you deal with this situation.
FF, Thanks for your insight. That's what I was a little afraid of. I don't want her to think I'm just scratching an itch but I'd like her to know that I'm ok waiting for her to get her desire sorted out and that in the meantime I'm not having a secret affair with my hand - its all above board. We could kiss cuddle and then when we reach that line she won't cross, I could MB and wouldn't trouble her for more and we'd both be satisfied. Isn't that a healthy attitude?
