Just had my first session with my new IC. We went through the whole family tree stuff, etc, etc. and then I told her the main reason I came was bc of the M. I explained what I thought is the big picture of our M and how we got here....my NGS, her ER/PA, all the stuff I have put on this board.
As we were discussing she came to the conclusion that my NGS is not in any other part of my life(work, friends, etc.) except with my W. It seems to be from the fact that I never saw my parents argue or deal with their problems, so I really had nothing to go off of in terms of conflict within a relationship. And with W being such a strong person, when I withdraw from conflict, it is just more exemplified.
I then tried to explain the theory of this board in a nut shell with a WW (more "tough love" than anything). Basically drawing a boundary of if OM is in her life I will go dark/nc/etc. And I tried to explain the times W "reached out to me" (her words; this board words would be 'temp checking').
In her opinions she seems to think the reason she has been reaching out; and some of the words she has been using those times were b/c she still cares; and even though is stuck in the mindset of with this OM, that she still wants to work us out. It was her opinion that it was the R best interest for me to reach out to explain I do still care, and we would only recon if we were to talk. To talk first, date, and work with MC to fix what was broken. Find the things which upset us and work through those things.
She seems to think my W is a strong person, and quite possibly came on way to strong within the R; causing me to withdrawal. She said, maybe not for Thanksgiving, but for her bday at the end of the month to send a card and provide to her LL (words of aff).
She also said we are both at this bridge which is broken, but neither of us want to rebuild it...or are to stubborn too.
What do you all think?
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
