Act Now or Cry Later

[HaWho]

Thanks Grodie, Ciluzen, Job, Peace, Lou, Roist, Sotto and KML.

Gordie - yes, he really does seem to be in a time warp.

Ciluzen - I tried what you recommended and so far it seems to be helping! Thanks!

Job - his mother was an extremely confrontational and challenging sort of person.

Peace - thanks but lately I don't feel much like a supportive person to him.

Lou - yes, there was a whole lot of trauma in his childhood.

Roist - thanks for the support.

Sotto - I too think he needs a therapist; someone who asks questions that help him connect dots.

KML - Good advice, I will be ready with it!

So BD anniversary 3 came and went. The actual day was not nearly as painful as year 1 or year 2. But, the lead up was worse! Guess I am processing that. The weeks before BD were massively confusing. I knew he was lying. I suspected an affair. I kept asking him to come clean and he wouldn't and then 2 weeks later? The big reveal at BD. I couldn't believe all his evasion.

Anyway, recently, I could see h trying to find a way to talk. He finally came forward and mentioned some small talk. It was a quick conversation. I listened but honestly? I did not linger. I was kind but distant. There was no strategy to it. Lately I have just been processing all the lying he was doing. And as he talked to me I just couldn't get it out of my head. I grabbed the garbage and cut the conversation short.

On BD anniversary I slept like a lamb; best I have slept in years. I still don't sleep through a night. But that night I did! I think I was relieved it passed.

A few times I have called him out on certain things he doesn't remember doing or saying. At first he denies doing x. But when I ask questions he should be able to answer he can't. He gets confused.

He has tried to initiate some "adult-like" conversations. He asked me if I knew there was a new middle school being built. (It's been in the works for years and construction has been ongoing. And I voted for it, so, yeah, unless I'd been trapped under a boulder I would have noticed the block sized middle school.) I said yes and told him they've been working on it a while.

Sometimes he laughs. Sometimes he's animated (this is new). Sometimes he is funny (also new).

There was one day he was in the kitchen and there was just silence. I felt all this tension: lead up to BD anniversary, moment of disbelief that this happened to him, etc. Then I just realized that it is what is and it's not my job to fix it all. I took the pressure off myself and accepted that it should be weird given all that he's done.

As for me? I have been working quite a bit. And I spend a lot of time really thinking about me and where I need to be. I also make time to pamper myself. This too is new for me. But I look at deals online and find great stuff! This month it was a pumpkin facial. I am taking a day off next week to spend with the kids.

Hope you are all well!