Sounds to me like you are treading the right balance between being available and ending things on your terms (I like that you ended the 2.5 hour relationship talk by having to go).
It can be tough to figure out how much to back off in a situation like yours but I say the proof is in the pudding - as you've focused more on yourself and stopped pursuing, she seems to be reaching your way more.
The 5 Love Languages book is gold. (Don't know why you need a separate one "for men", but whatever). The basic priniciple is that there are 5 Love Languages, most of us tend to prefer to receive 2 languages that we "speak". So if you are showing love to your partner in one of the languages that she doesn't "speak", she can't hear what you're saying and doesn't feel loved.
The five languages are: Words of Affirmation (Compliments)
Touch (not sexual, but hugging, touching, back rubs etc. I'm a touch person and my last boyfriend was honestly the first one I've ever had who was the same as me in this department, it was nice to be able to touch without feeling like my partner wanted me to stop bugging them))
Quality time (My ex was a quality time guy, he hated it if I was multitasking making dinner while he wanted to tell me about his day - I had to learn to stop what I was doing and sit still and listen)
Acts of Service - prime example is a guy detailing his wife's car for her - is she's a words of affirmation person, she would prefer to receive a flowery card. (Btw, I think people that DO acts of service usually want to RECEIVE words of affirmation - "oh honey, that's so great that you did that thing/made that thing for me". So if your wife is prone to doing acts of service, realize she may be looking for words of affirmation)
Gifts - some people really like things. The right things. The things they circled in the catalogue. That thoughtful gift that you agonized over picking out to surprise them is NOT as valuable to them as that specific titanium ice axe that they circled in the REI catalogue. (Example from my ex lol). (Btw - words of affirmations people like gifts mostly if they embody affirmations, such as jewelry that is inscribed with a romantic thought etc. For them, the value is in the thought. For the Gifts person, the value is in the value of the gift, and it being what they asked for).
By recommending this book, she is possibly recognizing that you were speaking to her in languages she didn't understand (for instance, working long hours to support your family as an Act of Service, when she as a Quality Time person was just feeling the lack of that time together?)
