How to end the fighting.....

[Daystar]

So I want to save my marriage. I just don't know where to begin.

OK...lets talk through this.

Last night I went out with my brother who I hadn't seen in 24 years. First thing I have done for me in a very long time. It was nice a good meal and some sleep does the mind wonders.

Agree. Now what is your next GAL plan?

Weekend is here. So child care leaves. Probably take the kids out to Bonnie Springs. Clean up the house and just enjoy some time with them.

So my W is right I don't trust her. The affairs complicate that but it is my choice not to even try. So pretty sure that would be a good step 1. Worst comes to worst she gets it back and loses it again. In which case I leave for me.

Wait...what? You think right now is a good time to START trusting her? Are you serious? Shes talking about separating and you want to start implicitly trusting her? That makes no sense.

Right now, you need to stop engaging and asking questions, because she is likely LYING to you at every turn.

I get it that you should be more trustING....but not to W right now. To friends, family, etc, sure.


As a general rule I am very trusting. Unless I have reason to believe I am being lied too. As too her, would love for her to be honest. Only the other hand I am not sure I want the truth.

Guess that leaves only disengage and act like she doesn't exist at all.

Pretty sure she feels unappreciated or unneeded since I make enough money to pay all of the bills. Plus the extra stuff for the kids and everyone. So going to stop doing that and have her pay half. Should be a decent step 2.

You are going to stop paying her bills to make her feel more appreciated? Huh?

Yes. You should have her pay for her share of the bills. BECAUSE she wants to SEPARATE. Because it isnt your job to pay for her party girl lifestyle.

Yu, on the other hand, should work to be more appreciatIVE. Again, not necessarily to HER, but as a general person. Friends, colleagues, family, etc.

I have been more appreciative to the other people in the home. Don't really have any friends where I live anymore. The majority of them moved out of town this year. So need to find a hobby group and make some new ones.

If I can get the fighting to stop. Since if she is open to date nights. If not I can just go out by myself and play pool or something. Time away from the house and responsibility seems to be good for me.

You get the fighting to stop by NOT FIGHTING with her. If she starts to escalate, then you say "Lets revisit this when you are calm and we can talk rationally." And then LEAVE. Let her yell at the air or the walls.

Regardless, NOW is NOT the time to be trying to date her. She said she wants to DIVORCE you. Why would you want to pressure her into spending MORE time with you?

Given how we have been fighting lately. I really don't want to be around her at all. She is out of town for 4 days this weekend. So shutting the phone off. If she wants to talk to the children she can call her brother since he lives with us.

Only looming problem I see about not talking at all. Is Thanksgiving is this week and we have family coming into town. My sons birthday is on that Friday. No arrangements have been made for either.

Of course I could make the arrangements and handle it all myself.