Doodler, I am probably not gonna answer your question to your satisfaction, but I will try briefly. What do I get from OM? I would say there are two different things. First, there is friendship and what we have in common. Second, is the attraction, desire, danger, and excitement. I'll let you imagine the rest. The thing is, and mostly why I decided to post, is to emphasis the point that not all infidelity is entirely irrational. On these boards, and in other places, everyone wants to assume that there has to be this component of limerance, fog, addiction, MLC, etc, etc. I am sorry to tell all the LBS out there that that is simply not true. I think we convince ourselves of that (I know I did) so we don't have to face the simple reality that we are being rejected and our S is choosing someone else. That is more painful to accept. I can also say that my H and OM are entirely opposites in every way. I can't compare them and I wouldn't. They are just different. And my feelings for one have nothing to do with my feelings for the other. There is no emotional attachment to OM and in that sense there is a safety.
Are you sure you understand your feelings completely? I don't know, but to me you just defined what the fog and being limerant means yet you say there isn't those things. Do you seriously think those adjectives you listed would last in a relationship with this man? You didn't feel this way when you first met your H? Limerance is a fact, it's neuroscience. When you get infatuated with someone new, your neurotransmitters go haywire...
The fact is that relationships always have those feelings at the beginning, but in LTRs they eventually fade. Love is a choice, not a feeling. I am not saying the next person can't be a better partner, but to me your post sounded really underrating. You may understand your feelings and where they stem from but I could bet some money that most of the people do not, and it is easy to fall into the limerance trap or have GIGS. I mean statistics (lol) do say that a lot of people in affairs, and even divorcees, do regret their choices later on.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
