XW likes to complain to D when she won't carry the conversation or doesn't want to talk. They talk twice a day (on the way to school, and after dinner/before bed). I can't help but be present for the morning call since it's in the car, but I leave the room for the evening call. Sometimes D follows me, or stays in the living room instead of her bedroom, and I can hear them. Wednesday night (this is typical) D: "What are you doing, momma?" XW: "Nothing. What are you doing?" D: "Nothing." XW: "I don't believe that, you're doing SOMETHING!" then gets upset that D isn't talking to her. Argh.
Every third sentence out of XW's mouth is "I miss you, baby" which I've read you're not supposed to do, to make your child feel safe, and avoid making them feel sad or conflicted (so I stopped). Eventually D says (and she says this more and more) "I don't know what to talk about mommy, can I go?" XW acts hurt and says I guess. Tells D she loves her. D tells her she loves her. XW tells her again, D doesn't say it back the right way, XW gets upset, D gets upset, says I love you, bye, and hangs up. XW CALLS BACK and yells at her for it. After a couple of minutes of that, D has a decent conversation with her. I don't know what to think about that, or to do about that (if anything).
Fall concert at school yesterday. D had a blast singing and playing her recorder, and watching the other grades do their thing. Our school has a good music teacher, it's pretty obvious that he loves what he does for a living and all the kids seem to love him for it. Watching D play with her friends before the concert started was pretty cool, too.
XW showed up, which is a good thing, D liked that. She and XMIL brought flowers for D, which was a cute touch. On the downside, she brought OM with her.
During was peaceful. I was sitting in front, they sat in back. D sat with me before she went on stage, then I told her to go sit with mommy when she was done.
After is another story. Reminded XW that she was picking up D on Tuesday at school next week (would have reminded her of this at pickup on Sunday, but it's my weekend) and that she had her until 2:00 on Thanksgiving, then I had her until 2:00 on Saturday. XW disagreed, saying that I had to bring her back on Friday. Then said that 2:00 was too early because they weren't eating until after that. Tried "not in front of D" but that didn't work. She started insisting that she wasn't giving up her weekend, and that this was BS, and that *I* would be getting D on Tuesday. I reminded her that this would be reversed next year, and her response was "well I don't care about that right now, I care about this year." XW said she was going to call her lawyer. I told her to go ahead (the interim parenting plan is pretty clear). XW says, "we're going to change all of this in mediation." I'm wondering what the heck she thinks will change about the holiday schedule. "We do this one year, and then the opposite the next" is about as fair as it gets.
Finally got able to leave, and D started to have a small meltdown. She wanted to go out to dinner. It was too late for that, and I was planning on eating at home anyway, so I said no. XW hadnt left yet and involved herself. Took D and said "let me calm her down." Stood in front of OM's car with D talking to her for 10 or 15 minutes. D is crying. At one point, OM opens the car door and looks like he's trying to hug D. I don't know what to make of or think about that.
XW finally brings D back, puts her in the back of my car, and keeps talking to her. Won't move so I can buckle D in. After a few minutes, I'm like "we need to get going, please" and finally she gets out of the way. D is crying this whole time. Thirty seconds after the car is moving, she's already calm (knew she would be).
GF has told me that XW and I contribute to D's anxiety over things, and I can't help but agree. I've tried hard to minimize that, but I have NO idea how to have improved upon this situation, though, without making things worse. Pretty much anything I could have said or done just would have led to a fight in front of D, I think.
