How a treehouse can cost you your marriage 2

[Clyde]

Who or what taught you that, and you were taught that. Control is a form of self defense - there is a burn down in there somewhere.

Some of it from my upbringing, some of it from experiences in my M. Something I can/and have worked on though. I am very analytical and am a perfectionist... I'm sure that does not help.

The main thing my wife complains about me being controlling over is a byproduct of her actions... (to be clear, I am not saying that I am not being controlling,) what I am saying is her main example/gripe of me being controlling is the outings w/ the sister, but at this point I will not tolerate the crap that I highlight below. This has been beating to death in MC & IC, the C says my concerns have been validated time & time again.

I really think that when it got brought up in MC, my W thought the C was going to say that I was being unreasonable/controlling, instead after listening to the history and the state of our M, he suggested that the W refrain from these outings for the time being until our M was on a solid footing, he even went a step further and stated my W age and said "aren't you a little old for this kind of stuff anyhow?"

So here we go, (I'll take your advice Ct) time to dump on the W and "sister", if nothing else it will make me feel better, maybe it will shed some light, maybe it will bring some good advice as to how I should move forward in these sitch's, I hope the later will be the case as it is an unresolved matter w/ the W and I that will need to be addressed if R is to be successful. (It came up again, during a long R talk 2 days ago, that talk along w/ some of the W's actions are looking like piecing might be on the horizon... I'll go into that in my next post).

Incident #1: W and I are dating, pretty much living together at this point. W says she is going to L.A. for the weekend w/ the sister. I say cool, have a good time. First night I text goodnight, no answer. I decide F that, I'm not reaching out anymore. W goes the whole weekend w/out texting/calling.

Incident #2: Big camping trip w/ friends and family, there is a club about a block away (you can here the music at night). First night, the W & I call it a night early as our D was only 18 months at the time. We are laying in the tent, can here the music, the W rolls over and puts her arm around me and says, "I'm so glad I never have to step foot in a place like that again, (referring to the club) it's almost like we were lost, glad that chapter in life is over".

The next night I told the W that I would take care of our D, enjoy your time w/ your friends. I crashed out only to be woken by the sound of my W's and "sister's" voice screaming followed by guys cursing/yelling at on another. I jump out of the tent, climb up on my truck and can see a brawl in the parking lot of the club.

I called the W/ no answer for 1 hour, I could not leave my daughter in the tent alone so I was stuck worrying. When the W finally answers, she says her and the sister are walking on the beach, I say "yeah now you are, I heard you guys at the club, saw the brawl, and have been trying to get a hold of you since, thx for not answering the calls". Next day she claims the "sister" talked her into it.

My biggest beef w/ this was that she did not answer her phone, she tried to play it off as walking on the beach... had she just text me -"sister and I are going to the club to grab a drink, I would of felt completely different about the whole thing.

Incident #3: This is a big one!!! I plan a surprise B-day party for the W. About a month before, I tell the sister time/date of party and ask her to make sure her side of the family is there on time, it's going to be a surprise. I set the W up w/ a day at the spa til 2p.m. (time of the party). Week before the party the W informs me she is going to the "sister's" b-day party, the same date/time. I ask her to call her back and clarify time/date... sure as $h!t the "sister" pulled the rug out from under the W's party.

At that point I had to tell the W about her surprise party. She says awe, thats so sweet and so on. The W says that is fine I won't go to the "sisters" party, but is also bummed that none of her friends will be at her party - as they are all going to the "sisters". As a few days go by the "sister" talks her into not going to the spa, moving her party ahead by 2 hours, so that she can then go to her party. Thats exactly what the W does, none of her people even showed to the W's party, and she bailed 2 hours into it.

To pour salt in the wound, at about 11p.m. I call the W as it was raining cats and dogs... I was going to suggest that if she hadn't already left, that she just spend the night at the sisters. She answers and I can tell they are at a club, I ask what happened to the party, she says going clubbing was all part of the plan... along w/ spending the night. Total B.S., this was never discussed.

Incident #4: I plan a night out for the W and I as a B-day present for her. I spend $120 on concert tickets, (this was a big deal/expense at the time as the economy/money was down) and got dinner res at nice restaurant. Low and behold who shows up at the restaurant with an entourage... the "sister".

We migrate to the bar in the restaurant, the "sister" being the attention wh*re she is, demands all my W's attention, (yes my W is just as much to blame). Anyhow I'm like the odd man out watching the clock reminding the W we have to go - concert is starting. "Sister" says just one more drink and so on and so on...I am trying my best to go w/ the flow (maybe even not be controlling - lol), 2 hours later I put my foot down and say ok, we are leaving. Low and behold we pull up to the concert and everyone is walking out, we missed the show!

At this point I am pissed about the history of the "sister" being put in front of everything else, the W says "but I never see her", I reply "its been 4 years since we've been on a date", W is too proud to acknowledge her lack of consideration that night. I point out that it seems as though the "sister" is always trying to interfere, I'm told I'm crazy. Silent car ride home and several days after.

There are dozens of other incidents were they will just be hanging out at the "sister's" house and the W will not answer her phone or reply to text for hours. I am now getting wind that the best friend's H is complaining same thing happens when his W hangs out w/ the "sister".

This only happens when she is w/ the sister, otherwise she always answers her phone or calls back right away.