Don't want to be a wayward wife ...

[Coconut]

all the therapy, books, Retrouvaille, and working on it, is not bringing me closer to him. I feel suffocated. I want him to let me go. I want to be able to choose him out of my own free will. That hasn't happened yet. I am hoping if I can free myself of him and really, truly let go, that I can choose to find my way back. Not because I have to, or out of fear, but because I want to.

I think there is a lot of power in this statement, it's often said that when the LBS comes here, the M is almost always already dead. Piecing is tough for many reasons, and I believe one of those reasons is because it's hard to build a NEW R with someone you're already M to.

I feel that the best way to start new is to separate first, grow as individuals and then rediscover each other in the future... But that's much easier said than done. There's so much drive to get them back, that it's hard to keep them away when they want to come back.

I think that regardless of what you decide to do Blu, that you and your H both gave it a real shot, and will likely be able to split and remain on good terms if it comes to that. But if you have any hope or desire to save your M, even if you see that in the future (after a seperation), I still believe having those feelings for another person now is a bad idea. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just that doing it will divert your focus from yourself.