Blu, thank you for continuing to post and being so open and honest about your feelings. Yours is a very unique situation and perspective and it is a great learning experience reading your posts. Maybe some day you'll find your way back to your H much like Sandi did, but it could take a good, long while (and that's OK). You've been through so much and you've done a great job of explaining why you are where you are, and to be honest you've said nothing I can argue with. Your feelings are real and your reasons for them are perfectly legitimate. I wish you the best and hope you keep posting
