Most of my marriage I have given her exactly what she wanted. She wanted to live in Vegas, I told her I hated here but we came anyway. She wanted SUV she is driving, I told her it was too expensive. Yet she still has it. To many times in our relationship I caved in and gave her what she wanted because I was afraid she wouldn't love me if I didn't. Her idea of me not caring is when I don't do as I am told. Divorce subject was "I want a divorce. So you need to move out.", when I asked about the children "You can see them every other weekend and you will be paying child support.". When I told her I didn't have the money to get a place it wasn't her problem. That I needed to man up and figure it out.
Coping with the emotions, I spend a lot of time talking to people while I drive. It helps me process and clear my head. Also do meditation and hypnosis. Some days are better than others.
It can't be we are getting divorced. So I pay the bills and watch the kids while she goes out and does what ever. That is utter hogwash. I made it clear to her that if she wants to go out sleep around and stay out all night. She shouldn't be around the children at all. They deserve better than that. I deserve better than that.
On change, I said I can't be the only one to change. That is a factual statement. I am changing me for me. And I don't like how she treats me. How it seems like she wants her cake and to eat it too. I don't like being taken advantage of. It feels like this entire divorce talk is so she can do what she wants while I foot the bill.
I will continue therapy and getting better for me. Only in self-healing have I been able to see how screwed up our marriage had been for so so long.
Should I trust her? Not really. She obviously doesn't respect me. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if this started because she decided she wanted someone else. Or had started sleeping with someone else.
