Yes I am actively listening. I don't always understand what she means. Asking questions to get more information leads into fighting and her saying I am not listening. As she likes to say if I don't understand then I didn't listen I just heard the words. Never mind I could repeat them back verbatim including context.
So I have been working harder on understanding what she is actually saying. We have three children and even though my marriage is over it can only help transition into co-parents.
I never had to drink. That was a choice I made. Albeit the wrong one time and time again. My emotions are starting to stabilize as I process through them. Caveat the constant fighting and blaming doesn't make it easy.
I do a good job paying the bills and balancing the budget. She just complains I use the money as a form of control. No we aren't talking and she treats her money like her own. She just expects me to pay the bills and move out as soon as I am able. So long as it does not leave me homeless. At this point I am wondering if that wouldn't be better.
As to the children, I am always doing things with them. Watching TV, drawing, coloring, homework etc. Recently it has been road trips to the various state parks and hiking etc. You get the idea.
I am changing for me. Therapy and communicating will only help me in the long run. Of her I don't have any real expectations never really have. Yes it is irritating as all heck to be blamed for everything though. When she says I don't care what she wants that normally comes after I told her no to something. A good example she told me she wanted a divorce. My immediate was response was absolutely not I don't believe in divorce. Not only that we owe it to our children to try and fix the situation. Response I don't care about her or what she wants. She wanted to take my car to go and stay with someone. I told her no she couldn't take my car overnight. Response she can't depend on me and I don't care what she wants.
There was no real healing process more of tried to drink away the hurt. And then get on with life. I am not sure she ever tried to earn my trust back. If you ask her she wouldn't make friends. She stopped drinking. But she would never open up and talk to me about problems. If I tried talking to her about them they ended in fighting. Which in turn led to more drinking.
Right now I work, go home and take care of kids. Her brother lives with us but once I am home he goes to his room and out for a moment for dinner. Outside of that I don't see him.
About all I get to do for myself lately is go for nightly drives and sleep in my car so I am not fighting with her.
Even today she is set to leave for military training. She isn't at home with our youngest daughter. She took the other car and left. So my youngest daughter is staying with my 18 year old daughter from my first marriage.
Until things are stabilized for the children there isn't much I can do for me. By time they go to bed I am passing out.
