As to what I have done to remedy those. I started reading Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. That way when she would speak I could understand where she was coming from. Unfortunately that seem to make things worse. Can you describe what you mean here? How does listening to what she is saying make things WORSE? Are you actually listening?
I have started seeing an hypno-therapist about the drinking. I used to drink to not deal with my emotional problems and I would check out. I don't do that anymore. So now I am an emotional wreck. Maybe you should be seeing someone so that you can figure out how to deal with your emotions....then you wouldnt have to drink. NOW is the WORST time to be an emotional wreck.
On the money thing I let her start making the decisions about how the money was spent and paying the bills. It was still my money but I let her actually pay the bills. This sounds so passive. "Im not doing a good job....so here, you do it instead." How about a middle ground where you LEARN how to do it better? OR you actually make some decisions together and work as a TEAM?
The kids thing we now have a schedule for our weekends. We do chores in the morning, activity then lunch and then another family activity while she is at work. Still get burned out and yell at them sometimes but working on it. This sounds good. You dont need to OVERDO it though, especially if they are young. Some relaxing time can be good. How are you involving yourself during these times? Just being present isnt good enough!
Not caring about what she wants we are at an impasse. I would give her anything in the world but the divorce. I don't mind changing just I can't be the only one. I realize that while I made my mistakes so does she. This isnt about HER...its about YOU. Have you read DR? YOU need to be the first one change. Without any expectations of her. Why dont/didnt you care about what she wants? And what does "not giving her a divorce" mean?
Not trusting her / friends has a lot to do with the 3 affairs. I couldn't cope with the affairs and past issues so I drank to deal with it. Plus I felt that I couldn't trust her not to do it again. Now if she wants to leave I don't question her about it beyond normal questions. Such as what time where are you going and when will you be home. So what was the healing process after the affairs? How did she earn back your trust? You say you 'couldnt trust her to not do it again' and then...she did it again...twice.
