In June I found out my wife of 22 years was having an affair. At first she said she was happy in our marriage but was confused. As time passed that affair ended but she starts others and is now saying she loves one man. She now tells me she didn't realize how unhappy she was in our marriage until now. She is showing all the signs of a midlife crisis. At first I fell apart and couldn't stay away from her this lasted a couple months and pushed her away even more. I finally got some help and for the past two weeks I have done a good job with the LRT. I haven't reached out to her for almost 2 weeks. In that time she has started to reach out to me occasionally. She is still moving forward with divorce which she filed on 11/2. Some days she is cold with me and others she reaches out. Last time I saw her she gave me a hug and told me she loved me. I hugged her back a little but didn't respond to the I love you comment. I am doing my best to stay away from her but still get worried I am out of sight out of mind. I just would like other perspectives on the process. I fell I am in the right path but still struggle with my doubt.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I have read DR and DB and found them to be very helpful. At this point I am not even completely sure I want the marriage still but I don't feel like giving up is the right thing. I still love her but I am struggling with what she has done. Any thoughts would help.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I have read several but not all yet. I have been doing a lot of self work and that has been the best thing for me. I am starting to see small signs in her with her reaching out to me instead of me reaching out to her. Last night there was a conversation around my son and she asked why he won't talk to her, they were very close before this. She also said she hoped I am taking my responsibility for my part in what is happening, I believe this is a way for her to rationalize her actions and to play on my weaknesses. I just informed her I have been completely honest about myself with the kids. In the past I would have taken any blame she tried to give me. I feel like the pressure everything, especially the kids distancing themselves from her and her not having control of me, is starting to get to her.
