IMHO, she removed herself from your responsibility for her safety when she made the decision to leave the M. Yes, she played you again. Btw, it doesn't have to include a R talk. That wasn't her goal. Her goal was to use whatever it took to make you respond to her. Okay, that was yesterday. Lesson learned. Now, instead of punching yourself, practice how to handle it when it happens again, b/c it will happen. Yes, look in the mirror and practice different scenarios and how you stand up for yourself. But mostly, just don't respond to her texting. The more you don 't respond, the more she'll up the game. In other words, she'll try to find something to pressure you into responding. When you reach the point where you can see what she's doing, it will either amuse or annoy you.
Recognizing the nice-guy traits in how you interact with people is step one. Now, learn how to respond (or not respond) in another way. Maybe you need to accept and believe you are not responsible to take care of your WW and you are not obligated to return text messages or anything else. You have to retrain your way of thinking, especially about her. She has lied about OM, and she clearly wants to keep you dangeling for her own ammuzement. The only way she will really be attracted and respect you as a man is to believe you are done with her. If she believes you are not interested in having a cheater and a liar for a W, then it may give her the incenitive to straighten up. But as long as you keep this NGS, you will continue to be abused by women just like her.
You have been trained to behave nicely in whatever situation comes. Therefore, it may actually cause you some discomfort to do anything differently. I married a man who is the epitome of NGS. And......I can testify to the fact you are able to change!
You may have some difficulty knowing the difference from standing firmly/strongly and showing male confidence from being just plain rude. IDK, I'm just guessing on that one. I encourage you to read the books on the subject and set goals for you to work on in this precise area. Frankly, I feel that's more important than anything else, at the moment, b/c it affects your entire life.
Associate with other men who are the "take charge", confident, leader type of male (but not an a$$) and who know how to command respect from others. Just spending more time around your buddies will help to some level. In many stories we read on the board, the H stops GAL with his buddies and spends any free time with his family. While that may sound like a great family man, it often produces a guy who fears standing up for himself and/or upsetting his W. He spends his life trying to appease her, and the results are not good. He becomes co-dependent on their MR b/c he no longer sees himself with an identity without it.
So, read the books and spend lots of time with strong, respected men who are not pushed around and manipulated by their W.
You can get there! You are getting stronger.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
