I really don't know how long it took him. I don't know that it can be measured by weeks or months. I did every thing I could to show him I was no longer engaging in any type of activity I was doing previously. He would check the phone and computer history. He also had discovered my posts on the board and read some of them.
At first, I think the LBH feels somewhat anxious, which is understandable. They have that need to check behind the WW' activity. When he continues to find nothing, and her behavior is not suspicious, then he begins to relax a little more.
When my H saw me being transparent, and when my attitude, behavior and previous activity changed back to the W he M, then he began to feel safe. He saw the mountain of books I was reading, and what kind of books they were, (seeking help for myself and learning about the whole wayward wife package). I was no longer reading romance novels, but books that addressed my issues. I hid nothing, and I worked hard to earn his trust b/c I realized how stupid I had been to trash it.
He may have spot checked me from time to time, IDK. But here's the thing, Joe, I was sitting at home every night. I did not stop for drinks after work. I did not go for a girls' night out. And, I didn't have sleep-overs and take weekend trips without him.
The WW has to give her H something, you know? If he sees no changes in her activities, behavior, and attitude.........then he is going to have a rough time trying to trust her. And, why should he, if she's not trying to earn it back? If she does not value his trust, then she probably won't do much to help him feel safe in the MR.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
