MLC or WAS... either way, I'm here

[LAJar]

hi peace,

thanks for checking in... i've been both busy and in a bit of a hole. I'm out of the hole now. I have been up and down with my moods and really just throwing myself into work, GAL, sister's baby shower this past weekend. Now that that is over, I realize how much time on my hands I have and that is hard.

Since I found out H has a new place w/ OW through FB, I have stayed away from his social media pages. As much as I am curious, it hurts too much to see how he has moved on... that is until yesterday. I was on my FB page and a section for "People you might know" came up and there was OW as a recommendation. She had a new profile pic of her, H and her D. Another rusty dagger to the heart. I will forever shake my head at each display of how he has moved on so quickly and as if S and I never existed. I was in a sleepy haze, so I quickly closed it and proceeded to have the worst, sleepless night I've had in the last 2 weeks.

Also in the last 2 weeks, I've had the opportunity to see and meet up w/ SIL. I don't push it, it's her initiating it. We texted a bit last night and I was telling her how happy I was to see FB pics of her cousin who has been helping take care of FIL during the days - meal prepping, running errands, socializing. She said it's been working out great and she's also so happy. Then tells me cousin has said she sees fear in FIL's eyes when H comes over. He has no patience for his father and treats him as if he doesn't have dementia. Told SIL I was surprised life wasn't now perfect w/ me out of it and R w/ FIL miraculously healed. Don't understand if he's not taking care of FIL, why he should display such impatience? Rhetorical question, I know why. Anyway, I was surprised to get a call from SIL today asking if I was busy on Thursday and would I like to get a massage after work. I said sure. She then tells me H called her H and asked if he'd like to get a drink on Thurs. SIL says she thinks H wants to introduce OW to them and SIL will not be joining. She told her H she'd rather hang out with me. I appreciated the support, but [censored] that hurts! We are still married, still haven't been served and he is parading this "person" around as if.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with my home and knowing I need to get moving on selling it. The holidays are busy enough without throwing in the sale prep and packing. Worse yet, I have to contact H to discuss exactly how we will proceed. I wanted to put some time in b/t our last horrible interaction and my next outreach, which will be via email. I'm feeling like a chicken because I just don't want to deal with him. I can make the excuse that I'd rather wait until after Thanksgiving, but then we start getting close to December for even just an email. I feel stuck.

With that being said, I'm feeling better and even with these latest blows, I'm hurting but getting back up more quickly. Here's to progress.