Leah, part 6

[leahsue]

[quote=25yearsmlc]Leah
Better questions are what do WE want in OUR lives now and going forward??

THIS.

Because car tags are due on both ends, but the notices come to me, b/c OF COURSE I'm the one who always TOOK CARE OF THINGS and changed the address..........

focus, Leah, focus...........

a phone call was necessary. Since I tried 3 texts and got no response, I just thought - WHAT AM I AFRAID OF? PICK UP THE DAM PHONE AND CALL UNTIL HE ANSWERS. It's HIS TRUCK for God's sake. (Insert laugh here.)

So I did. Early in the morning, which evidently is his best time (which to be fair, I should have remembered that), and he was already at work in his new office, and answered on the first ring. (And when I said How is that going? he said let me send you a pic from where I'm sitting at my desk.- Total straight ahead Lady Liberty, Tower One, well you get the pic- and just to be fair, his sister was horrified when I told her he sent me a pic of the skyline, b/c she said it was like rubbing in my face and very tacky- but as I told her, I did not take it that way, and I don't think he meant it that way. The rise to this place has been a journey that we shared as a team, and although he's lost sight of the rest of that, I don't think he's forgotten this piece. The things he said before sending the pic let me know he was trying to say thank you for helping me get here.) Hard to convey in a forum or even just words.)

Note to me. He prefers phone calls to texts. NOW. Not always the case, but this is not familiar H we are dealing with. (I know, grammar police, I ended sentence with a preposition- ok, re-read as--- this is not familiar H we are dealing with, BIT$H.)

I know, old joke for you teachers out there. FOCUS, LEAH.

So, I said I need to know what to do about truck tags (multiple)- and I cannot afford to pay for them anyway, so let me know.

HE SAYS- well, I can take care of them next week, while I'm there.

Wait-

He's coming south, and hasn't told me? This does not bode well for R. I fully expected him to stay north for at least T'giving, but evidently his ailing mom needs him to come, so he will come. Which I think is totally the right move for him. She needs him, and honestly, he needs HER. He just may not realize it yet.

I just was so surprised (and this was LIVE people, on the actual phone- no time to think and plan a cool, DB, good response) that I said Oh you're coming down? Were you going to tell me?

I wasn't screeching at this point, so no 2x4s yet.

He said of course I was- I just decided yesterday. (Which I'll give him a point there- his sister backed that up both BEFORE the weekend, then again today).

GOOD NEWS: he's bringing two large suitcases of the clothes I've been asking for, along with some other specific things I've asked for-

so I said, well I think we need to sit down and maybe talk about where we go from here- I don't see any reason for us to spend thousands of dollars on deciding how this plays out, when I don't feel there's animosity between us, and we should be able to just figure it out, get a lawyer, and go from there.

He agreed.

OK, 2x4s welcome.

There was much more to the conversation, and all about cars, trucks, dividing things, etc., nothing personal. And he said "I'll reach out before I come down and we can make a plan." He flies in Friday, but not to this house. His plan is to stay with his sister, and be there for the AU game (!!!! WDE), this weekend, family thing Sunday, (I guess take care of tags, etc. Monday and Tuesday, then fly back Wednesday.

(PS- I HAD told him this summer during the visit that I would be traveling during T'giving and today he said, I did think you might be gone part of that time. Which kind of indicates he would have just dropped the stuff off here or left it with his sister, and not have had to see me FTF), but OK. Really I'm just proud to be getting my good winter clothes.)

I have a full work schedule during his time here, which of course I will keep. I suggested maybe we just meet for lunch and talk, and he said ok. But I will let him arrange that, and if he doesn't, then I'm ok with that. I will not be the one who reaches out, if any reaching out is done.

I guess the point of all this is to catch my faithful readers up to date, so that when I blow a gasket after his visit, I won't have to give any history.

But 25, if you're still reading, the thing that slammed me against the wall was your saying "what about what WE want."

All afternoon I've been consumed with wondering, I wish I knew if he was going to talk about "if and when we want to divorce", OR "the terms of our divorce ($).

But your post reminded me to consider, for the love, what does LEAHSUE bring to the table?

Even if he brings I still don't know what I want, whine, whine, so don't give up hope for us (while I pay for you to stay down south, and I do whatever the he11 I want for as long as I want),

is that enough for me?

DEAR LORD, I HOPE NOT. I cannot lose sight of the fact that if I'm ever in another relationship, it has to be someone who chooses me every single day, not when it works for him. It needs to be a man who does not want to live without me, not one who would prefer I stay a little longer in another part of the country.

Wow, this has turned into a rant. Sorry, friends. This feels so much better than the constant tears. I'm sure it will circle back, but I've been reminded here over and over, that that's OK, too.

To add some excitement to the day, took sweet dog to vet and she may have Cushing's Disease (for dogs), so there's that. More tests tomorrow. IDK much about that ailment, but I'm SURE internet can thoroughly educate me. And throw me into an "I can't breathe" kind of state, but honestly, I'd rather deal with that, than "I don't even care" kind of state.

I can think of so many song lyrics to insert here, but I'll liven this place up and ask for ideas??? (If I've still got friends following along. I know this was long.)