Don't want to be a wayward wife ...

[25yearsmlc]

I'm not interested in the slobbery stuff. I think this is a heavy topic.

Blu if you checked my thread lately, I've dipped my toe/foot into the dating world. I had THOUGHT i'd do a little 'How Stella Got her Groove Back" fun stuff.

And i made a date weeks ago for this Friday, with G. He's a nice guy i'm very comfortable with. No sparks yet but who knows?

But meanwhile, M has steadily courted and impressed and connected with me. It would take me a long time to say the "L" word but I can imagine it happening with M.


Meanwhile, the history with h, leaving aside yet more dark discoveries, is something I won't be able to get past. And that is NOT about withholding forgiveness.
it is about what I could ever have with h, again, after seeing what I have seen.

Relevant anecdote -

My lovely brother J is my closest brother, my son's Godfather. And J has just been diagnosed with kidney cancer. I was at his house. He did not know I could see him and his wife down the hall. They were quietly talking.

I saw her lay her head on his shoulder and he kissed her forehead, and then they hugged and briefly, they cried hard, and embraced.

I was very moved. It was what I wanted for MY m, it was what I wished for with my own h, but now I can see that I'll never have it with h, despite our long history.

Maybe you can rebuild your m, and the history can include a huge pothole that you got past.
I think it could be a good thing.

OR you could always wonder when the next shoe will drop...

But here's the thing it's about imo,

it's about what YOU CHOOSE, What YOU want, not whether he's committed or IF he will do "the work" as if the assumption is always that it's what you "need/want" for your life.

it is NOT now about whether HE
will be "remain remorseful/ & earn the trust" and blah blah blah.

I think it's all about what YOU want in your life.


Like you said, you wanted your old life back so badly that it was all you could think of and when he wanted back in, he got back in. I do not make light of his work, it's a rare brave & humbling thing.

So now, Blu, what would you like YOUR LIFE to look like and include?