25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

Interview went very well. More later. Need to read email from L.


As for dating M and talking about the divorces....

there's not to be overt disparaging of our formers b/c they are the parents of our children and it's beneath us, frankly. And it's too dark.

We are both in a big of a $h1tstorm but his is closer to being resolved semi amicably.

I make it a point NOT to discuss the divorce even if something just happened, for more than 5 minutes b/c I want M and I to have a separate NEW r.

Here is what was said at my interview that relates to all of this.

Apparently the friend who sent my resume also said "there's a divorce/illness, see if you can help 25 out"

or words to that effect.

So she said to me "sounds like you've had a really hard year."

I said, "well that's one way to frame it. But I want to reframe it b/c it's really been a year of tremendously painful growth, with massive transitions & upheaval and I'm looking forward to where I'm headed next."

the interviewer wrote that down.


Divorce talk on dates - make sure the person isn't railing about their ex or you will have a bitter date and that can turn on YOU in a second.

Make sure they own SOME of their divorce b/c it's never all one person. NEVER.

And start talking about what you each want in your life NOW.

I can see some darkness in my h i never saw before or only glimpsed.

What matters to me now is that I want LIGHT in my life, (not h)

and what things will I put up with b/c I was long married to h, and there are things I will not endure again.

In any r.

So it's important that I communicate what those preferences and boundaries are to M.

And to be flexible, b/c M gets to have those preferences and boundaries and needs, too.

Hope that helps